Weekendophobia

Last weekend, I had gone home. (Definition of Home: A place where you get food of your choice, where tea is ready the moment you wake up (and tea tastes like tea, not heated up liquid prasad that we get in temples), where the world stops even if you just sneeze, where people are actually happy on seeing your face and most importantly, the place where you belong without any effort!)

So anyway, last weekend I had gone home. So at least for that weekend, I did not have to worry about what I was going to do! The weekend before that, I had absolutely nothing to do, so I watched TV. I actually ended up watching female cricket(Woe!!! Woe!! Woe!!!). Do you know that there is a female Indian called Jhulan something or the other, who is the fastest female bowler in the world! She was bowling at 110 k mph and beating people for pace!!! Around this moment I came to realize that I was suffering from weekendophobia!

This is a new term I have come up with. It is defined as the fear of spending weekends doing nothing! The entire life of the people suffering from this disease is spent in looking at the weekends with sheer dread! I will now list the symptoms and stages.

1. You start planning on Thursday what you are going to do on Saturday. You start contemplating about Saturday, and looking at it with fear, even on Wednesday! This is generally the first symptom. This stems up from the fact that you fear you will be left alone and everyone else will go to a movie without you. The disease goes into the second stage when you buy movie tickets for everyone and force them to come even if they don't want to!

2. The second symptom, usually in the second stage is denial! Anybody saying that they are very busy in the weekend and have no time only, are usually the victims of this disease. Denial is not only for the world, but for themselves. They will stay at home and even convince themselves to believe that they dont need anybody! The people in this stage are embittered and tend to look on the world with what they consider "all-knowing" and "all-understanding" looks. They can also come across as pompous and generally cause a feeling of intense irritation to the people they come in contact with! One more way to recognize them is to see who gets the most bumps on random occasions. Anybody receiving more than 30 kicks is surely suffering from this disease!

3. The next symptom is depression. It is at this time that the victim will start thinking that life is just a succession of weekends, on which the victim either does nothing or nothing useful! His whole existence will try to make sure that no weekends come into his life. He will work on Saturdays and even come to office on Sunday. Weekends hurt him, so there will be no weekends for him.(Most people in Indian Multinational IT companies get stuck in this stage!). The depression stems from the fact that he still dreads the next weekend to come and that he cannot do anything about it. Some people do stay at home and watch female cricket, but they get even further depressed! So, to counter boredom on weekends and have something to do, they start writing blogs!

4. The final stage is zealous action. In this stage people plan weekends months in advance. They know what they are going to do 6 weekends later. If there is an empty weekend in the middle, they live in absolute fear of it! Their life is blighted by that weekend! They even contemplate jumping in front of a running car, just so that they can spend the weekend in a hospital, rather than spending it doing nothing!

Once in stage four, the disease cannot go any worse. Only will power can help control the disease from here on.

There is only one known cure. Marriage! People who are married lose the symptoms of the disease very quickly. There are other side effects of this cure, though! Symptoms include Lackoffreetimis, Nofreedomitis, henpeckedomortis and such like. So one is advised to make sure that they want to be cured of weekendophobia. The results may be devastating!