I have found the real purpose why the ka boom... trick in India. You see most of the Indian populace including me is looking for some entertainment especially in the "Peak TV viewing hours" There is no other way to instant hit than a top TRP show. every other channel these days has a reality show & soap shows are a thing of the past (well sort of).
So what is the next available way News Channels! they showcase you & your talents so a lot of people watch it. Why they do it free of cost. See this is a type of social service. They have discussions. so many people on all channels talking about you. Well it is a big thing to be talked about on TV. If I were a terrorist I would record all the discussions for later viewing.
With a population like India has, there is no better place to do it. Ok I know I'm discounting China, but Chinese are very famous for their karate, Kung-fu & what not martial arts... so why take a higher risk...
India is the best place.
As you argue if some worthless MP, MLA or someone else gains mileage then I think our Mr. Terrorist(should I say Entertainer) should levy charges & press case against such people (such leeches huh!) for IP infringement.
So all I say go on blow a few more places . Don't bother about the police, CBI, RPF, RAF, etc... they are just names so that some person with a triple digit IQ can earn money.
Coming to the point of people/cattle as you may call them; lets see how many people die due to these acts of entertainment. a few hundred, it is a minor risk. as compared to people who die due to starvation, accidents, natural causes a negligible number.
To the point of two wars to show off, common give a break, just one entertainer is enough! give him the credit. why try to steal the limelight? Time to start thinking big. Look at the big picture. It is a big social service helping people survive. making them ready for a disaster.
Well wishing Mr. terrorist a successful career & hoping he will one day make it big.
Thanking You,
A "Responsible" Citizen of India.
PS: no disclaimers from my side.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
A letter to a terrorist
Dear Mr. Terrorist,
I hope this letter finds you in good health. I must congratulate you on the excellent planning and efficient execution that you have managed in all your Indian projects. You can give lectures on planning and execution top level management colleges. Though I am not a student at any management institute, I can imagine one question that they will ask you during the lecture. What, they will say, do you think you have achieved by your activities?
You, they will say, have made a mistake in assuming your basic premise. You have assumed that the death of Indian citizens will cause some distress to the Government, or at least to the other citizens. They and even I, will also hasten to defraud you of your incorrect impressions. In India, the least important, the most worthless, the most redundant entity is the Indian citizen. His existence or non existence is of no consequence. In other countries, the Government exists to serve the citizen. In India, the Government exists for itself. The citizens are just cattle, to be milked and used for ploughing. And the Government just uses the incidents you cause for whatever political mileage It can get out of them. Then It laughs at your face. In the time that you took to kill fifty of our cattle, It will say, We managed to create ten thousand more! As far as the other citizens are concerned, they have a greater risk of being killed by stray buses and cars every time they venture out, so your bombs are just a like a truck or two more on the road. Even the noise does not bother them. What with all the bangs, they just think that there is a wedding or some celebration going on. And if there is a traffic jam, well, they are used to that too. Its just like some MLA or Corporator is going out with his procession!
Still, if you intention is to get a reaction from someone, then you are better off trying to blast members of the Government. However, if your intention is to cause distress in the country, then I understand your reluctance to blow off the various MPs and MLAs and their what-nots. Their demise is more likely than not to work in the favor of the country. So you see, I am still trying to understand your reasons for the same. You can kill off the public, but it provides no real purpose. You can kill some Government members, but that may not work as intended.
And its not like its a challenge or anything! Anyone can come in to India from anywhere and do anything! Its not likely that the security forces will manage to catch you anyway! I mean, there might be some challenge left if the CBI is in question (I really hope that), but the police seem to be more interested in picking their noses, or scratching their armpits than doing anything else. You can even safely blow a hole in a police station and I doubt the police will know whats happened. Or that they will even try to find out! It is more possible that they will start arguing that the hole was already there.
So, if you want a public reaction and Government action, that its better you target some other country. Just look at the US, your some brother or cousin just crashes a couple of planes and you have two wars to show for it! Amazing reaction! Or even if you want challenge, I don't think India is your best option. Maybe you should try Israel or something. In any case, doing anything in India is just a waste of money and time and effort. I think you can put it to better use, along with your exceptional planning and managerial skills to cause more trouble elsewhere.
Yours truly,
A citizen of India
P.S. And if by some mistake you get killed while doing something in India, how will you face God! He will be most cross that you messed up in such a simple assignment and send you to hell! Now we don't want that, do we!
I hope this letter finds you in good health. I must congratulate you on the excellent planning and efficient execution that you have managed in all your Indian projects. You can give lectures on planning and execution top level management colleges. Though I am not a student at any management institute, I can imagine one question that they will ask you during the lecture. What, they will say, do you think you have achieved by your activities?
You, they will say, have made a mistake in assuming your basic premise. You have assumed that the death of Indian citizens will cause some distress to the Government, or at least to the other citizens. They and even I, will also hasten to defraud you of your incorrect impressions. In India, the least important, the most worthless, the most redundant entity is the Indian citizen. His existence or non existence is of no consequence. In other countries, the Government exists to serve the citizen. In India, the Government exists for itself. The citizens are just cattle, to be milked and used for ploughing. And the Government just uses the incidents you cause for whatever political mileage It can get out of them. Then It laughs at your face. In the time that you took to kill fifty of our cattle, It will say, We managed to create ten thousand more! As far as the other citizens are concerned, they have a greater risk of being killed by stray buses and cars every time they venture out, so your bombs are just a like a truck or two more on the road. Even the noise does not bother them. What with all the bangs, they just think that there is a wedding or some celebration going on. And if there is a traffic jam, well, they are used to that too. Its just like some MLA or Corporator is going out with his procession!
Still, if you intention is to get a reaction from someone, then you are better off trying to blast members of the Government. However, if your intention is to cause distress in the country, then I understand your reluctance to blow off the various MPs and MLAs and their what-nots. Their demise is more likely than not to work in the favor of the country. So you see, I am still trying to understand your reasons for the same. You can kill off the public, but it provides no real purpose. You can kill some Government members, but that may not work as intended.
And its not like its a challenge or anything! Anyone can come in to India from anywhere and do anything! Its not likely that the security forces will manage to catch you anyway! I mean, there might be some challenge left if the CBI is in question (I really hope that), but the police seem to be more interested in picking their noses, or scratching their armpits than doing anything else. You can even safely blow a hole in a police station and I doubt the police will know whats happened. Or that they will even try to find out! It is more possible that they will start arguing that the hole was already there.
So, if you want a public reaction and Government action, that its better you target some other country. Just look at the US, your some brother or cousin just crashes a couple of planes and you have two wars to show for it! Amazing reaction! Or even if you want challenge, I don't think India is your best option. Maybe you should try Israel or something. In any case, doing anything in India is just a waste of money and time and effort. I think you can put it to better use, along with your exceptional planning and managerial skills to cause more trouble elsewhere.
Yours truly,
A citizen of India
P.S. And if by some mistake you get killed while doing something in India, how will you face God! He will be most cross that you messed up in such a simple assignment and send you to hell! Now we don't want that, do we!
Friday, July 25, 2008
Rashmi's reply to 10 good things about Pune
Rashmi's original blog which I had removed as it did not agree with my views. I thought that I could do anything in my blog, but I was given to know that apparently it is not so.
The sleeping partner in this cribbing venture has finally woken up from the long, self-induced hibernation. And just look what it has taken to wake her up! How on earth can anyone not find 10 things to like about Pune? Even the idea is ludicrous! Three have come from Soumi*, so I'm going to furnish the remaining seven
4. Food! Soumi, how can a food lover like you fail to appreciate the vast number of options the city offers to one looking to feed his stomach? All sorts of cuisines, catering to all palates and wallets are available to satisfy your gastronomic yearnings. You want classy french cuisine? You got it. Fancy some Italian dishes? But of course! Chinese? Naturally! Lebanese? Yup. Iranian? Oh yes! And you can throw in some Continental, Mexican, Japanese, Thai and Malaysian too. Closer home - The ubiquitous South Indian, Manglorean/Udupi, Keralite, Gujarati, Rajasthani, Punjabi, Moghlai, Bengali, Goan blah blah blah... and oh yes, the assal Puneri cuisine too. You could choose to eat on a shoe-string budget at a small road-side stall, or dine in style in a swanky restaurant that charges you to even breathe in their cool fragrant air, or choose something in between too. It's all there for you. And it's not all just 'there', the food's yummy too.
5. Books! The city is dotted with book stores. And it has never happened that in the four years that I have called this place home, that I have failed to find a book that I've wanted. The best part is, these book stores are not deserted, but are always full of book lovers. There are libraries too, for those who can not afford the luxury of buying every book they want to read, and do not like to read books online. But I wish there were more of those (the libraries, I mean...)
6. Music! The number of concerts - big and small, that happen here is simply mind-boggling. The Puneri audience has a reputation of being a 'rasik' audience - very discerning, patient, responsive and knowledgeable. And it is this quality of the audience (And this is not something that 'they say', but rather something from first-hand experience gained from the myriad concerts I make it a point to attend) that draws to the city, the stalwarts of the musical world. And before someone utters a protest, let me also state that I'm not talking of only classical music. You have rock concerts happening here too. The biggies are yet to turn up here, but the local bands that perform at mini-concerts held from time to time, that are extremely enjoyable and very well-received by the city's rock-lovers. There are also recitals in western classical music, but I haven't attended any yet. Maybe sometime soon...
7. Youth! The crowd here is young and vibrant. There are lots of students and young professionals, and for any civilization or establishment to constantly reinvent itself, a dynamic, educated and restless youth is the key ingredient.
8. Weekend Get-aways! Choices are available in any direction you choose to take out of the busy buzzing city. And whether you are looking for a leisure trip, an adventure holiday, a pilgrimage, a beach, a hill-station... you have it all. There are internationally famous holiday destinations as well as little know virgin locales hidden in the laps of the Sahyadris or along the Konkan coast within a few hours of travelling time. And again, you can choose your budget and yet have a fun holiday to unwind over the weekend.
9. Something for everyone! Are you a nature lover? A photography enthusiast? Movie buff? Dabbler in the arts? Gourmet? Fashion-crazy? Adventure lover? Devotee? Student? Interested in theatre? Linguist? Shopaholic? Party animal? Spiritualist? Just idle and looking to pass some time? You name it and you got it. There are places of worship for so many religions! Courses are available for learning so many things. There are museums (if only you'd bother to visit!) and art galleries, tattoo parlors and coffee shops, lounges and ashrams, markets and hobby classes. You'll even find Tamil, Kannada and Telugu movies playing in the multiplexes. I watched Sivaji (without subtitles) on the biggest screen in Inox! Can you dream of watching Shwaas on the biggest screen in a Multiplex in Chennai?
10. Marathi! I love the fact that my mother tongue is spoken here with such pride and love. Of course, the Punekars believe no one speaks the language like they do and simply refuse to consider the existence or even the possibility of the existence of many dialects of Marathi outside Pune, but one tends to forgive them for this folly** simply because they love the language so much. I adore the fact that hep looking college kids, with spiked hair and low waist jeans think its cool to converse in Marathi. And seriously, in what other city would you find a 'Swargawasi Mohammad Abdul Khan'***??
And who said I must stop at the count of ten?
11. Small Metro! Pune has all the advantages of a large city, and yet, if the traffic is smooth, one can go places in a jiffy.
12. Weather! Do I even need to say anything? Even in the hottest summer months, a cool breeze flows in the night.
So, here's a city, that satisfies your every need - it gives you the choice of an education, a livelihood, freedom to practice your religion, entertainment, shopping, ways to nurture your hobbies and have quick holidays at nearby places. The fact that some or all of the above mentioned things may be found in some other city too, in no way diminishes the fact that they're present in Pune, or that one can derive much pleasure from them here. There can be 2, 3, 4 or even more good cities on this earth, can't there? And yet, I can love one of them, because whether or not the others are good, this one IS.
Yes, there's much to be desired - but nothing that's unobtainable. Yes, the traffic's outrageous, the roads pathetic and the pollution and dust overwhelming. But none of these are things that can not be corrected with some (ok lots of) planning and discipline. What is the soul of this city? What is it's essence? I'd say it's the way it's alive and pulsating in so many ways and the way it takes joy and pleasure in everything it does. It has a hunger for knowledge and growth and the finer things in life. Pune has long been lamented to be a city of xenophobic people, but in the past few years, it has embraced the people of so many cultures (and with such elan and warmth), that I can't help but applaud the spirit of Pune.
* And I haven't failed to notice how grudgingly even those measly four have been acknowledged. Hrrrmmmppphhhh! Whatever happened to 'I'm not going to only crib on this blog'???
** Even though one mustn't give up teasing them mercilessly about it, or they'll get all hoity-toity!
*** Name changed to protect the identity of the deceased and to veil the fact that I actually don't remember the name, but I swear there's a street in Khadki named 'Swargawasi xyz Marg', where xyz is a Muslim name.
The Future of India? Part 1, I think
7th March 2040, Public document listing the Government's financial achievements on the Government's official web site
India is a great country. She has the most wise financial head in its greatest finance minister, Mr. Pachidam Barhim, who has over the last four years has achieved impossibly great things, raising India to her heights of glory, achieved in the current coalition's last reign. The last Government had received the country in perfect shape, but due to the mismanagement and gross incompetency, turned the country into a quagmire of fiscal and communal mess. The current government, formed from a coalition of 78 forward looking and national parties, had undertaken the reformation of the country and has done a truly formidable job. The 13 step financial agenda and its achievements are listed below.
1. Due to the esteemed Finance Minister's untiring efforts, inflation has been curtailed from a spiraling 34% to a much controllable 32%.
2. Income tax slabs have been reduced from 40% to 30%.
3. Affluence surcharge has been added. It consists of additional 50% income tax for people with income over 1 million Rs per annum.
4. All city dwellers have to pay an additional 15% City Usage tax on the price of their house, when they buy one. Our esteemed minister had cracked a famous joke for this tax. This is the tax, he stated, on all the crap they are going to do in the city over their lifetime. The joke shows the open mindedness of the minister, as well as the depth of his Harvard education. Rent-based urban dwellers will have to pay 20% of their rents as this tax. This tax has been utilized in cleaning all the cities and now any Indian city is cleaner compared to cities in other countries like Bangladesh or Somalia.
5. The ever increasing problem of beggars and the embarrassment of eunuchs has also been taken into account. All urban dwellers have to pay a 3% Beggar And Eunuch Acceptance tax on all goods and services used. All beggars and eunuchs who are registered with the local government, will be given a stipend from this collection. No one is allowed to beg anywhere.
6. Not only has the Government taken heed of issues for urban citizens, it has also taken the large rural population into account. No rural resident has to pay any income tax, irrespective of his or her income or source of income.
7. The Government also provides subsidies over fertilizer, pesticides and seeds of over 20%. Similarly, subsidies are also provided for water and electricity, to the count of 30%.
8. The Government also buys the crops directly from the farmers. The rates of the crops are fixed and decided by the Government, so as to curb inflation and to provide sustenance to the farmers.
9. To prevent farmer suicides, an issue rampant for over the last three decades, the minister in his astounding intelligence introduced a Suicide Prevention and Prohibition fine. The entire village of the farmer who has committed suicide is treated as guilty, for it could not prevent the suicide and it is then required to sell its crops to the Government with a price discount of 20-30%. This has reduced the incidence of farmer suicides to almost nil, but cases of accidental deaths amongst farmers in the same areas have increase proportionally. The Government is looking into the issue.
10. The Government has also addressed the issue of pollution and population very effectively. It has introduced the concept of licensing both for child birth and possession of vehicles. The price for the license for a single child being 50000 Rs., it has reduced the incidence of licensed child birth. As no unlicensed child is considered citizen of India, the presence or absence of such a child is meaningless. In addition, Government has introduced a 12% entertainment tax on all contraceptive devices, which would reduce the incidence of sex and hence the chances of procreation.
11. And only 10000 licenses are given per year for vehicles, so that pollution can be controlled. Fuel is also rationed, with a card given to each vehicle owner, granting him or her a fixed quota for one year.
12. Governments for the past 5 decades have been ineffective for controlling corruption. So this Government has taken a drastic step and legalized corruption. An Anti Corruption Charge of 12% has been charged on all goods and services, which is distributed to all Government employees effectively. In addition, it is estimated in the budget that 30-35% of all allocated monies will be lost in transition.
13. Finally to conclude the 13 step agenda, which has made the country greater than it ever was, is the Compassion tax. This 15% tax on income beyond 400000 Rs. is paid by the majority community of the country and is used to benefit the minority communities. It creates this compassion and interest between communities as the welfare of all communities is dependent on the others.
The veritable greatness of our venerable ministers has filtered down to the ordinary public and it is only due to the great intelligence and force of our ministers that our country is where it is now.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Ten Good Things About Pune?
Well, the only thing I have done since coming to Pune is cribbed about it. The traffic, the roads, the dust and so on and so forth! So, probably everyone was expecting that I would write a blog saying how rotten Pune is. One guy even told me to write about how it should be nuked! I think he overlooked the small point that he himself would be evaporated along with the city, if it were nuked! And frankly speaking, with Mumbai so close by, why would one waste a costly nuke on Pune!
However, I decided to play contrary, as usual, and the devil's advocate and try to list down ten good things about Pune. You know, not concentrate on the negative, but find the positives.
1. Pune is supposed to be the cultural capital of Maharashtra. I know it doesn't seem all that different and people are not that different from any other part of the country, but I will give Pune the benefit of the doubt; On the assumption that I didn't have the good fortune to meet any of the more cultured people over the last two years.
2. It has a very large and high quality educational capital. Probably true. With so many talented students from outside Pune also making up the ranks, the quality of the general student has to increase. The competition will make sure of that. However, this is just a conjecture. As I have never studied here, I cant claim to be entirely accurate. This is what I have heard, though.
3. It has good job opportunities for people like me; That is to say, IT people. Which is also true. With so many MNCs coming and setting shop, jobs in Pune have been easier to find! And as there are a lot of non IT companies like Bajaj and Volvo, jobs are easier to get even for non -IT people. So the economy of Pune is really good. Well, if people can afford even the EMIs of homes costing 5-6 million, that must be true.
Okay... now I am stuck! I have been thinking about the fourth point for 2 days, but havent been able to! I don't want to talk about malls, or MG roads, or crowds (Though I can talk about Pune crowds ad nauseam) as they are same everywhere. You step in a mall in Pune, or Mumbai, or for that matter Duesseldorf, there isn't much difference. And beyond that, I am stuck. My problem is, I haven't been able to gauge the essence of the city. Understand the soul of Pune. It just seems this dirty, crowded, dusty and expensive city with no traffic sense. And I refuse to believe that that is indeed what the city is about! There must be something more to it. The city does a good job of hiding it though!
However, if anyone can think of any more good things about Pune, do let me know. I would like to make the list go to ten!
However, I decided to play contrary, as usual, and the devil's advocate and try to list down ten good things about Pune. You know, not concentrate on the negative, but find the positives.
1. Pune is supposed to be the cultural capital of Maharashtra. I know it doesn't seem all that different and people are not that different from any other part of the country, but I will give Pune the benefit of the doubt; On the assumption that I didn't have the good fortune to meet any of the more cultured people over the last two years.
2. It has a very large and high quality educational capital. Probably true. With so many talented students from outside Pune also making up the ranks, the quality of the general student has to increase. The competition will make sure of that. However, this is just a conjecture. As I have never studied here, I cant claim to be entirely accurate. This is what I have heard, though.
3. It has good job opportunities for people like me; That is to say, IT people. Which is also true. With so many MNCs coming and setting shop, jobs in Pune have been easier to find! And as there are a lot of non IT companies like Bajaj and Volvo, jobs are easier to get even for non -IT people. So the economy of Pune is really good. Well, if people can afford even the EMIs of homes costing 5-6 million, that must be true.
Okay... now I am stuck! I have been thinking about the fourth point for 2 days, but havent been able to! I don't want to talk about malls, or MG roads, or crowds (Though I can talk about Pune crowds ad nauseam) as they are same everywhere. You step in a mall in Pune, or Mumbai, or for that matter Duesseldorf, there isn't much difference. And beyond that, I am stuck. My problem is, I haven't been able to gauge the essence of the city. Understand the soul of Pune. It just seems this dirty, crowded, dusty and expensive city with no traffic sense. And I refuse to believe that that is indeed what the city is about! There must be something more to it. The city does a good job of hiding it though!
However, if anyone can think of any more good things about Pune, do let me know. I would like to make the list go to ten!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
India Vs Germany
In the recent past, I had the opportunity to spend a month or so in Germany. So naturally, given the cribby nature or my blog, I had to write one comparing India and Germany. Now, since my childhood, German efficiency has been praised and admired around me. So I was quite interested in finding out exactly how the heck people are more efficient than other people. The second thing that I was told that I will have lots of language problems. And the third thing told to me, albeit by very few people, was that I might have to face some racial discrimination.
Frankly speaking, I was disappointed on all the three counts. They seemed to be just as lazy as the next Indian you are likely to find. The only difference that came across is that they seem to take a pride in their work, which results in the work getting done better. In India, there is a tendency to just get the work done. No one really bothers about the quality of the work. And of course, there is less corruption and less chaos than what exists in India. I actually had a German policeman smile at me, a feat which I have not seen in India in 26 years of my life! And when I treated him like an information bureau, and asked him how to get to a certain place, I actually got the answer. I have never dared ask anything to any Indian policeman, so I don’t quite know what happens next.
About the language problem, well, I have live in Bangalore for more than 2 years, so I am practiced against all sorts of language trouble. You know the sort, when people understand you, but they pretend not to. Or the one in which if you don’t speak their language, you might as well as be a snail. And in reality, I had more trouble making people understand in Bangalore, then I had in Duesseldorf. Which is really sad!
About the racialism, I really didn’t find any proof. Most people I met were nice and smiley sort of people. And even if some of them looked at you longer than they should, it was an open look and a look of curiosity. This does not include some old ladies, though. They looked at me like they would like nothing better than hitting me on the head with their umbrellas!
And do I need to speak about German girls! Man!! Even if I discount the propensity of the Indian male for fair skin, they were hot! I rarely saw a girl who could be said to be ugly. Most of them were in good shape, with great skin and nice hair. And they were nice too! They smiled back if you smiled at them! And there was this one college student, who waitressed in a restaurant I frequented for dinner. (for obvious reasons!) She was blond and had blue eyes and a great smile. When I walked in to the place, she gave a big welcoming smile which literally made me go Aaaaahhhhh!!! And when she tried to explain the menu to me in her broken English, I wanted to get up and do things, which would in the least, just get me arrested! But there is one thing which as an Indian I have to state. All of them were beautiful, but all of them were beautiful in the same way. In India, though all women are not beautiful, all of them are beautiful in their own ways. Aishwarya Rai and Madhuri Dixit are both beautiful, but just try to lay down the common parameters of their beauty!
The next thing most Indians would enjoy is German beer. There are so many sorts! I mean there are different sorts! There is the normal beer, then Wiesenbier(I am not sure about the spelling), then the Duesseldorf specialty, Altbier, which is really bitter and awesome! But the best was the Cologne beer, Koelsh! It rocked!! In Duesseldorf, calling the Koelsh better than Altbier would have gotten me lynched, but the truth’s the truth! Or at least, a matter of opinion is a matter of opinion!
And If you are a non-veggie, and open to new experiences, then Germany can offer you quite a few things. I actually had zebra and crocodile to eat!!! And, the fun part is, though you eat so much meat and drink so much beer, you don’t get acidity! Which is something I haven’t quite fathomed. I tasted French, Italian, Chinese (German Chinese, in this case), Korean, Mexican, Mongolian, German cuisine there and actually ended up losing some weight!
I actually had a great time in Germany, and might even have considered being born in Germany in my next life, but for only one thing! They don’t like cricket there!
Frankly speaking, I was disappointed on all the three counts. They seemed to be just as lazy as the next Indian you are likely to find. The only difference that came across is that they seem to take a pride in their work, which results in the work getting done better. In India, there is a tendency to just get the work done. No one really bothers about the quality of the work. And of course, there is less corruption and less chaos than what exists in India. I actually had a German policeman smile at me, a feat which I have not seen in India in 26 years of my life! And when I treated him like an information bureau, and asked him how to get to a certain place, I actually got the answer. I have never dared ask anything to any Indian policeman, so I don’t quite know what happens next.
About the language problem, well, I have live in Bangalore for more than 2 years, so I am practiced against all sorts of language trouble. You know the sort, when people understand you, but they pretend not to. Or the one in which if you don’t speak their language, you might as well as be a snail. And in reality, I had more trouble making people understand in Bangalore, then I had in Duesseldorf. Which is really sad!
About the racialism, I really didn’t find any proof. Most people I met were nice and smiley sort of people. And even if some of them looked at you longer than they should, it was an open look and a look of curiosity. This does not include some old ladies, though. They looked at me like they would like nothing better than hitting me on the head with their umbrellas!
And do I need to speak about German girls! Man!! Even if I discount the propensity of the Indian male for fair skin, they were hot! I rarely saw a girl who could be said to be ugly. Most of them were in good shape, with great skin and nice hair. And they were nice too! They smiled back if you smiled at them! And there was this one college student, who waitressed in a restaurant I frequented for dinner. (for obvious reasons!) She was blond and had blue eyes and a great smile. When I walked in to the place, she gave a big welcoming smile which literally made me go Aaaaahhhhh!!! And when she tried to explain the menu to me in her broken English, I wanted to get up and do things, which would in the least, just get me arrested! But there is one thing which as an Indian I have to state. All of them were beautiful, but all of them were beautiful in the same way. In India, though all women are not beautiful, all of them are beautiful in their own ways. Aishwarya Rai and Madhuri Dixit are both beautiful, but just try to lay down the common parameters of their beauty!
The next thing most Indians would enjoy is German beer. There are so many sorts! I mean there are different sorts! There is the normal beer, then Wiesenbier(I am not sure about the spelling), then the Duesseldorf specialty, Altbier, which is really bitter and awesome! But the best was the Cologne beer, Koelsh! It rocked!! In Duesseldorf, calling the Koelsh better than Altbier would have gotten me lynched, but the truth’s the truth! Or at least, a matter of opinion is a matter of opinion!
And If you are a non-veggie, and open to new experiences, then Germany can offer you quite a few things. I actually had zebra and crocodile to eat!!! And, the fun part is, though you eat so much meat and drink so much beer, you don’t get acidity! Which is something I haven’t quite fathomed. I tasted French, Italian, Chinese (German Chinese, in this case), Korean, Mexican, Mongolian, German cuisine there and actually ended up losing some weight!
I actually had a great time in Germany, and might even have considered being born in Germany in my next life, but for only one thing! They don’t like cricket there!
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Smart Family
Yesterday, while traveling back to Pune by train, I had the chance to spend my journey with a very special family. You know the sort which has a lot of money, but almost nothing else. No sense of decency, no sense of propriety, no respect for others spaces or feelings and in most cases, a complete disregard to the fact that others might actually exist! In general, these people are not hard to distinguish. The male of the family will be rather fat with a big tummy, usually speak smartly and appear to be well to do. The woman will also be fat, and dressed in modern clothes, usually a sleeveless top and pants. Both will cling tightly to her body and show unlikely curves because of the fat hanging off her body. And the most icky thing will be the fat hanging off the lower part of her arm. Yiiiiii!!!! Even thinking about it is Yuck!!! The kid/kids will be loudmouthed and spoilt and will generate an inexplicable desire in one to give him/her/them a good hard slap.
If you are traveling by rail, recognizing such people is even simpler. They will have a huge number of bags and baggages and after filling all available storage space, they will ask you to remove your bag from below the seat and put it in the upper sleeping berth. Actually speaking, I am a bit angry, a bit jealous and a bit in awe of such people. Angry, because I am usually at the receiving end of their habits, jealous as I am can never be as unconcerned as they are, no matter how hard I try and awed as I have no idea how to deal with them! I mean, they make unfair requests on one and then look shocked when one refuses, making one feel like the very dregs of humanity! One cant even fight with them, as they have a really loud mouth and ordinary people like such as don't have a chance against them in a verbal exchange. Maybe a few fisticuffs might help, but I haven't tried it. Others are welcome to, if they want.
Anyway, this family had the father, the mother, a rather obnoxious seven year old and a small 6 month old. And a twelvish girl, who probably would be taking care of this kid. Now this girl will probably never go to school and stuff, but I think I am more sorry about her because she has to take care of that kid! She would have been been better off in an asbestos factory!
Well, this whole family dropped in on our heads with about 3 minutes for the train to go off. Then there was this whole fiasco with them fitting about 16 pieces of luggage in every nook and cranny they could find. And then they sat, with the kid taking more space than the other two people on the seat. The mother, father and the baby sat on the other seat with luggage and the maid taking the remaining space on the side seat. Dont ask me where the other 4 people were sitting and how! Two were unequal to the struggle and went on the upper berth and were not seen again till the end of the journey. An uncle and me were left holding the post. Sometime later, both of us left. I to talk to a friend in another coach and he to talk on the phone. By the time I came back, these people had had dinner, obviously on my berth and had spilled food and oil everywhere on the seat! When I asked the lady to clean it up, she told me that I will be putting a sheet on it anyway, so it didn't matter. Let me assure you, I am almost never rendered speechless, but at that moment I was!
Now, if someone is wondering why I called the kid obnoxious, as I haven't mentioned him till now. Thats because the idiot mother let the kid sleep from 6 in the evening till about 10 in the night! Even I know that it is not to be done! Anyway, the kid then refused to sleep till about three in the night. He proceeded to sing tunelessly and loudly and ask inane questions to his dad (How long did it take to make this train! Bloody hell!) and proclaim to all and sundry in a loud voice that he and his dad were having a lot of fun! And yes, sometime in the night, he proceeded to eat potato chips rather noisily about 3 inches from my face! I tell you, I was sorely tempted to turn around and elbow him hard! Only the fact that he would have started crying and making more noise than what he was making stopped me. Eventually, after testing my patience he and his father went to sleep. And then the baby started to cry! I don't want to go into it! It is really amazing that how much noise can come out from such a small thingummy! It cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried! It cried like someone was trying to murder it!
Well, finally the baby stopped crying and the train reached Pune. After the usual haggling with the auto drivers, I got home. Then I got to office and started to think about this blog. And then I thought that I keep meeting such people a lot more nowadays. It seems to be a demand of the current society to become selfish, self centered and money proud. And I don't know what is more frightening, that there are more and more people behaving like this, or that even I might eventually end up like this!
If you are traveling by rail, recognizing such people is even simpler. They will have a huge number of bags and baggages and after filling all available storage space, they will ask you to remove your bag from below the seat and put it in the upper sleeping berth. Actually speaking, I am a bit angry, a bit jealous and a bit in awe of such people. Angry, because I am usually at the receiving end of their habits, jealous as I am can never be as unconcerned as they are, no matter how hard I try and awed as I have no idea how to deal with them! I mean, they make unfair requests on one and then look shocked when one refuses, making one feel like the very dregs of humanity! One cant even fight with them, as they have a really loud mouth and ordinary people like such as don't have a chance against them in a verbal exchange. Maybe a few fisticuffs might help, but I haven't tried it. Others are welcome to, if they want.
Anyway, this family had the father, the mother, a rather obnoxious seven year old and a small 6 month old. And a twelvish girl, who probably would be taking care of this kid. Now this girl will probably never go to school and stuff, but I think I am more sorry about her because she has to take care of that kid! She would have been been better off in an asbestos factory!
Well, this whole family dropped in on our heads with about 3 minutes for the train to go off. Then there was this whole fiasco with them fitting about 16 pieces of luggage in every nook and cranny they could find. And then they sat, with the kid taking more space than the other two people on the seat. The mother, father and the baby sat on the other seat with luggage and the maid taking the remaining space on the side seat. Dont ask me where the other 4 people were sitting and how! Two were unequal to the struggle and went on the upper berth and were not seen again till the end of the journey. An uncle and me were left holding the post. Sometime later, both of us left. I to talk to a friend in another coach and he to talk on the phone. By the time I came back, these people had had dinner, obviously on my berth and had spilled food and oil everywhere on the seat! When I asked the lady to clean it up, she told me that I will be putting a sheet on it anyway, so it didn't matter. Let me assure you, I am almost never rendered speechless, but at that moment I was!
Now, if someone is wondering why I called the kid obnoxious, as I haven't mentioned him till now. Thats because the idiot mother let the kid sleep from 6 in the evening till about 10 in the night! Even I know that it is not to be done! Anyway, the kid then refused to sleep till about three in the night. He proceeded to sing tunelessly and loudly and ask inane questions to his dad (How long did it take to make this train! Bloody hell!) and proclaim to all and sundry in a loud voice that he and his dad were having a lot of fun! And yes, sometime in the night, he proceeded to eat potato chips rather noisily about 3 inches from my face! I tell you, I was sorely tempted to turn around and elbow him hard! Only the fact that he would have started crying and making more noise than what he was making stopped me. Eventually, after testing my patience he and his father went to sleep. And then the baby started to cry! I don't want to go into it! It is really amazing that how much noise can come out from such a small thingummy! It cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried! It cried like someone was trying to murder it!
Well, finally the baby stopped crying and the train reached Pune. After the usual haggling with the auto drivers, I got home. Then I got to office and started to think about this blog. And then I thought that I keep meeting such people a lot more nowadays. It seems to be a demand of the current society to become selfish, self centered and money proud. And I don't know what is more frightening, that there are more and more people behaving like this, or that even I might eventually end up like this!
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