7th March 2040, Public document listing the Government's financial achievements on the Government's official web site
India is a great country. She has the most wise financial head in its greatest finance minister, Mr. Pachidam Barhim, who has over the last four years has achieved impossibly great things, raising India to her heights of glory, achieved in the current coalition's last reign. The last Government had received the country in perfect shape, but due to the mismanagement and gross incompetency, turned the country into a quagmire of fiscal and communal mess. The current government, formed from a coalition of 78 forward looking and national parties, had undertaken the reformation of the country and has done a truly formidable job. The 13 step financial agenda and its achievements are listed below.
1. Due to the esteemed Finance Minister's untiring efforts, inflation has been curtailed from a spiraling 34% to a much controllable 32%.
2. Income tax slabs have been reduced from 40% to 30%.
3. Affluence surcharge has been added. It consists of additional 50% income tax for people with income over 1 million Rs per annum.
4. All city dwellers have to pay an additional 15% City Usage tax on the price of their house, when they buy one. Our esteemed minister had cracked a famous joke for this tax. This is the tax, he stated, on all the crap they are going to do in the city over their lifetime. The joke shows the open mindedness of the minister, as well as the depth of his Harvard education. Rent-based urban dwellers will have to pay 20% of their rents as this tax. This tax has been utilized in cleaning all the cities and now any Indian city is cleaner compared to cities in other countries like Bangladesh or Somalia.
5. The ever increasing problem of beggars and the embarrassment of eunuchs has also been taken into account. All urban dwellers have to pay a 3% Beggar And Eunuch Acceptance tax on all goods and services used. All beggars and eunuchs who are registered with the local government, will be given a stipend from this collection. No one is allowed to beg anywhere.
6. Not only has the Government taken heed of issues for urban citizens, it has also taken the large rural population into account. No rural resident has to pay any income tax, irrespective of his or her income or source of income.
7. The Government also provides subsidies over fertilizer, pesticides and seeds of over 20%. Similarly, subsidies are also provided for water and electricity, to the count of 30%.
8. The Government also buys the crops directly from the farmers. The rates of the crops are fixed and decided by the Government, so as to curb inflation and to provide sustenance to the farmers.
9. To prevent farmer suicides, an issue rampant for over the last three decades, the minister in his astounding intelligence introduced a Suicide Prevention and Prohibition fine. The entire village of the farmer who has committed suicide is treated as guilty, for it could not prevent the suicide and it is then required to sell its crops to the Government with a price discount of 20-30%. This has reduced the incidence of farmer suicides to almost nil, but cases of accidental deaths amongst farmers in the same areas have increase proportionally. The Government is looking into the issue.
10. The Government has also addressed the issue of pollution and population very effectively. It has introduced the concept of licensing both for child birth and possession of vehicles. The price for the license for a single child being 50000 Rs., it has reduced the incidence of licensed child birth. As no unlicensed child is considered citizen of India, the presence or absence of such a child is meaningless. In addition, Government has introduced a 12% entertainment tax on all contraceptive devices, which would reduce the incidence of sex and hence the chances of procreation.
11. And only 10000 licenses are given per year for vehicles, so that pollution can be controlled. Fuel is also rationed, with a card given to each vehicle owner, granting him or her a fixed quota for one year.
12. Governments for the past 5 decades have been ineffective for controlling corruption. So this Government has taken a drastic step and legalized corruption. An Anti Corruption Charge of 12% has been charged on all goods and services, which is distributed to all Government employees effectively. In addition, it is estimated in the budget that 30-35% of all allocated monies will be lost in transition.
13. Finally to conclude the 13 step agenda, which has made the country greater than it ever was, is the Compassion tax. This 15% tax on income beyond 400000 Rs. is paid by the majority community of the country and is used to benefit the minority communities. It creates this compassion and interest between communities as the welfare of all communities is dependent on the others.
The veritable greatness of our venerable ministers has filtered down to the ordinary public and it is only due to the great intelligence and force of our ministers that our country is where it is now.
1 comment:
About you point 9. i.e. farmer suicide. If it the Year 2040 then the farmer suicide would have been a nemesis for more than 7 decades.
About point 10. entertainment tax of 12% why is it that all other taxes have increased while entertainment tax has remained the same for 5 decades, whilst it had increased 3 fold decade before?
A similar thing was done by King George xx(I don't remember which one of them) tried a similar thing which today is a famous 4 letter word (You know which one). So is this going to be a similar thing with "K" being replaced by "G"?
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