One hand aint grand

I haven't updated my blog for some time, but I had a rather unkind last month. Though it started rather okay, it lost track midway through the month. It really assumed the lowest point on the 14th. I failed rather heavily in a short wrestling match with a Maruti van. In fact, I came out with one dislocated shoulder and a very big lesson- no matter how weak a Maruti Van looks, it is a dirty fighter and cheats! The doctor, one of the few honest ones left in Pune, I guess, jerked me up rather cheaply and fixed my hand so that I could not move anything else on that arm other than 4 fingers. And fat lot of good they were too! The only thing I could do with them was tickle my tummy whenever I got the fancy for it! And then he gleefully told me that this would last for 2-3 weeks and then kicked me out of his office.

And then the real fun started! You don't realize the importance of having two hands till you end up having only one! And that too, if the hand that is left for you is not your strong hand. I mean, even brushing your teeth is a chore! You just don't realize how much coordination your fingers and hands actually do without you thinking about it! The first time I took up brushing, I suddenly realized that it was mighty difficult to put paste on the brush with one hand. I think I stuck the base of the brush between the sink and the wall and put on paste. Well, that was not all, the first time I tried to get the brush in my mouth, it somehow ended up near my chin. The second time was even worse! I overcompensated and ended up brushing my nostril. By the third time, I seemed to have got a hang of it, but realized that I had completely spilled the paste by then. But eventually, I got it done! And by the time the day was over, I realized that brushing was comparatively quite easy!

The second problem was the loo! I wont even tell you what I did there! I will just tell you that it took quite a bit of ingenuity to actually achieve whatever I was trying to achieve!

Wearing clothes, well!! Try buckling your pants with one hand. It is next to impossible! And I had to stop wearing a belt. There is one point in a belt where you just need to use the other hand. I couldn't, and so I lost grip on the belt. I went round and round in circles a few times, like a dog chasing its tail, then gave it up in a huff! I didn't even attempt to wear shoes!

Even eating becomes so difficult. You actually have to concentrate that your hand reaches your mouth and not some other part of your anatomy! And spoons! It is a lesson in coordination to eat with spoons. It is amazing how the spoon reaches the mouth in the proper angle and elevation without one thinking about it! The spoon never came in the proper position for me. It always came up sideways, or at a larger elevation or something!

Typing can be done with one hand, but again, not if you have to do something extraordinary! You know, something like Alt+Ctrl+F10. And as Murphy's laws go, I had to test some ASCII characters that day! So I had to use the Numpad and the Alt key a lot. One piece of advice, the Microsoft Windows keyboard really helps! Though it slows you down, at least it gets the job done.

The list could just go on and on, but the point is simple. I got really sick of using just one hand in just 2 weeks. I have to give kudos for those who do it for their entire lives. And this is a predicament I wont wish on anybody, so don't go wrestling Honda Citys or Toyota Corollas. They just look like anyone might beat them, but its too thick a risk!

Of course the upside is that you get a sort of notoriety. Everyone suddenly seems interested in you. Girls become sympathetic! Guys become brotherly! And if you can milk it for all its worth, you can get a lot of value out of it! But I would still rather be unknown with two hands rather than known with one!

P.S: Did I tell you about the airport? Well, they day after I managed the feat, I decided to go home in a flight. I went to the airport in time, boarded the flight when it came and then spent the next three hours in the flight, waiting for it to take off! It eventually got canceled! You know why, coz no flights are supposed to take off at the Pune airport after 6:30! Though we boarded at actually 5:30, we were not allowed to take off! The why here is even sillier! Some wise guy at the airport has made a rule that for every flight that takes off, 2 flights have to land! A flight took off before us and only one landed after it. We were made to wait for another landing (which never came) and then as we had crossed 6:30, we were not allowed to take off! The only good thing is I got a free sandwich out of it!