Rant Factory

RE: Letter to a Terrorist

2008-08-13T19:20:00.002+05:30

I have found the real purpose why the ka boom... trick in India. You see most of the Indian populace including me is looking for some entertainment especially in the "Peak TV viewing hours" There is no other way to instant hit than a top TRP show. every other channel these days has a reality show & soap shows are a thing of the past (well sort of).
So what is the next available way News Channels! they showcase you & your talents so a lot of people watch it. Why they do it free of cost. See this is a type of social service. They have discussions. so many people on all channels talking about you. Well it is a big thing to be talked about on TV. If I were a terrorist I would record all the discussions for later viewing.
With a population like India has, there is no better place to do it. Ok I know I'm discounting China, but Chinese are very famous for their karate, Kung-fu & what not martial arts... so why take a higher risk...
India is the best place.
As you argue if some worthless MP, MLA or someone else gains mileage then I think our Mr. Terrorist(should I say Entertainer) should levy charges & press case against such people (such leeches huh!) for IP infringement.
So all I say go on blow a few more places . Don't bother about the police, CBI, RPF, RAF, etc... they are just names so that some person with a triple digit IQ can earn money.
Coming to the point of people/cattle as you may call them; lets see how many people die due to these acts of entertainment. a few hundred, it is a minor risk. as compared to people who die due to starvation, accidents, natural causes a negligible number.
To the point of two wars to show off, common give a break, just one entertainer is enough! give him the credit. why try to steal the limelight? Time to start thinking big. Look at the big picture. It is a big social service helping people survive. making them ready for a disaster.
Well wishing Mr. terrorist a successful career & hoping he will one day make it big.

Thanking You,
A "Responsible" Citizen of India.

PS: no disclaimers from my side.

A letter to a terrorist

2008-07-30T15:33:00.000+05:30

Dear Mr. Terrorist,

I hope this letter finds you in good health. I must congratulate you on the excellent planning and efficient execution that you have managed in all your Indian projects. You can give lectures on planning and execution top level management colleges. Though I am not a student at any management institute, I can imagine one question that they will ask you during the lecture. What, they will say, do you think you have achieved by your activities?

You, they will say, have made a mistake in assuming your basic premise. You have assumed that the death of Indian citizens will cause some distress to the Government, or at least to the other citizens. They and even I, will also hasten to defraud you of your incorrect impressions. In India, the least important, the most worthless, the most redundant entity is the Indian citizen. His existence or non existence is of no consequence. In other countries, the Government exists to serve the citizen. In India, the Government exists for itself. The citizens are just cattle, to be milked and used for ploughing. And the Government just uses the incidents you cause for whatever political mileage It can get out of them. Then It laughs at your face. In the time that you took to kill fifty of our cattle, It will say, We managed to create ten thousand more! As far as the other citizens are concerned, they have a greater risk of being killed by stray buses and cars every time they venture out, so your bombs are just a like a truck or two more on the road. Even the noise does not bother them. What with all the bangs, they just think that there is a wedding or some celebration going on. And if there is a traffic jam, well, they are used to that too. Its just like some MLA or Corporator is going out with his procession!

Still, if you intention is to get a reaction from someone, then you are better off trying to blast members of the Government. However, if your intention is to cause distress in the country, then I understand your reluctance to blow off the various MPs and MLAs and their what-nots. Their demise is more likely than not to work in the favor of the country. So you see, I am still trying to understand your reasons for the same. You can kill off the public, but it provides no real purpose. You can kill some Government members, but that may not work as intended.

And its not like its a challenge or anything! Anyone can come in to India from anywhere and do anything! Its not likely that the security forces will manage to catch you anyway! I mean, there might be some challenge left if the CBI is in question (I really hope that), but the police seem to be more interested in picking their noses, or scratching their armpits than doing anything else. You can even safely blow a hole in a police station and I doubt the police will know whats happened. Or that they will even try to find out! It is more possible that they will start arguing that the hole was already there.

So, if you want a public reaction and Government action, that its better you target some other country. Just look at the US, your some brother or cousin just crashes a couple of planes and you have two wars to show for it! Amazing reaction! Or even if you want challenge, I don't think India is your best option. Maybe you should try Israel or something. In any case, doing anything in India is just a waste of money and time and effort. I think you can put it to better use, along with your exceptional planning and managerial skills to cause more trouble elsewhere.

Yours truly,
A citizen of India

P.S. And if by some mistake you get killed while doing something in India, how will you face God! He will be most cross that you messed up in such a simple assignment and send you to hell! Now we don't want that, do we!

Rashmi's reply to 10 good things about Pune

2008-07-25T19:40:00.003+05:30

Rashmi's original blog which I had removed as it did not agree with my views. I thought that I could do anything in my blog, but I was given to know that apparently it is not so.

The sleeping partner in this cribbing venture has finally woken up from the long, self-induced hibernation. And just look what it has taken to wake her up! How on earth can anyone not find 10 things to like about Pune? Even the idea is ludicrous! Three have come from Soumi*, so I'm going to furnish the remaining seven

4. Food! Soumi, how can a food lover like you fail to appreciate the vast number of options the city offers to one looking to feed his stomach? All sorts of cuisines, catering to all palates and wallets are available to satisfy your gastronomic yearnings. You want classy french cuisine? You got it. Fancy some Italian dishes? But of course! Chinese? Naturally! Lebanese? Yup. Iranian? Oh yes! And you can throw in some Continental, Mexican, Japanese, Thai and Malaysian too. Closer home - The ubiquitous South Indian, Manglorean/Udupi, Keralite, Gujarati, Rajasthani, Punjabi, Moghlai, Bengali, Goan blah blah blah... and oh yes, the assal Puneri cuisine too. You could choose to eat on a shoe-string budget at a small road-side stall, or dine in style in a swanky restaurant that charges you to even breathe in their cool fragrant air, or choose something in between too. It's all there for you. And it's not all just 'there', the food's yummy too.

5. Books! The city is dotted with book stores. And it has never happened that in the four years that I have called this place home, that I have failed to find a book that I've wanted. The best part is, these book stores are not deserted, but are always full of book lovers. There are libraries too, for those who can not afford the luxury of buying every book they want to read, and do not like to read books online. But I wish there were more of those (the libraries, I mean...)

6. Music! The number of concerts - big and small, that happen here is simply mind-boggling. The Puneri audience has a reputation of being a 'rasik' audience - very discerning, patient, responsive and knowledgeable. And it is this quality of the audience (And this is not something that 'they say', but rather something from first-hand experience gained from the myriad concerts I make it a point to attend) that draws to the city, the stalwarts of the musical world. And before someone utters a protest, let me also state that I'm not talking of only classical music. You have rock concerts happening here too. The biggies are yet to turn up here, but the local bands that perform at mini-concerts held from time to time, that are extremely enjoyable and very well-received by the city's rock-lovers. There are also recitals in western classical music, but I haven't attended any yet. Maybe sometime soon...

7. Youth! The crowd here is young and vibrant. There are lots of students and young professionals, and for any civilization or establishment to constantly reinvent itself, a dynamic, educated and restless youth is the key ingredient.

8. Weekend Get-aways! Choices are available in any direction you choose to take out of the busy buzzing city. And whether you are looking for a leisure trip, an adventure holiday, a pilgrimage, a beach, a hill-station... you have it all. There are internationally famous holiday destinations as well as little know virgin locales hidden in the laps of the Sahyadris or along the Konkan coast within a few hours of travelling time. And again, you can choose your budget and yet have a fun holiday to unwind over the weekend.

9. Something for everyone! Are you a nature lover? A photography enthusiast? Movie buff? Dabbler in the arts? Gourmet? Fashion-crazy? Adventure lover? Devotee? Student? Interested in theatre? Linguist? Shopaholic? Party animal? Spiritualist? Just idle and looking to pass some time? You name it and you got it. There are places of worship for so many religions! Courses are available for learning so many things. There are museums (if only you'd bother to visit!) and art galleries, tattoo parlors and coffee shops, lounges and ashrams, markets and hobby classes. You'll even find Tamil, Kannada and Telugu movies playing in the multiplexes. I watched Sivaji (without subtitles) on the biggest screen in Inox! Can you dream of watching Shwaas on the biggest screen in a Multiplex in Chennai?

10. Marathi! I love the fact that my mother tongue is spoken here with such pride and love. Of course, the Punekars believe no one speaks the language like they do and simply refuse to consider the existence or even the possibility of the existence of many dialects of Marathi outside Pune, but one tends to forgive them for this folly** simply because they love the language so much. I adore the fact that hep looking college kids, with spiked hair and low waist jeans think its cool to converse in Marathi. And seriously, in what other city would you find a 'Swargawasi Mohammad Abdul Khan'***??

And who said I must stop at the count of ten?

11. Small Metro! Pune has all the advantages of a large city, and yet, if the traffic is smooth, one can go places in a jiffy.

12. Weather! Do I even need to say anything? Even in the hottest summer months, a cool breeze flows in the night.

So, here's a city, that satisfies your every need - it gives you the choice of an education, a livelihood, freedom to practice your religion, entertainment, shopping, ways to nurture your hobbies and have quick holidays at nearby places. The fact that some or all of the above mentioned things may be found in some other city too, in no way diminishes the fact that they're present in Pune, or that one can derive much pleasure from them here. There can be 2, 3, 4 or even more good cities on this earth, can't there? And yet, I can love one of them, because whether or not the others are good, this one IS.

Yes, there's much to be desired - but nothing that's unobtainable. Yes, the traffic's outrageous, the roads pathetic and the pollution and dust overwhelming. But none of these are things that can not be corrected with some (ok lots of) planning and discipline. What is the soul of this city? What is it's essence? I'd say it's the way it's alive and pulsating in so many ways and the way it takes joy and pleasure in everything it does. It has a hunger for knowledge and growth and the finer things in life. Pune has long been lamented to be a city of xenophobic people, but in the past few years, it has embraced the people of so many cultures (and with such elan and warmth), that I can't help but applaud the spirit of Pune.

* And I haven't failed to notice how grudgingly even those measly four have been acknowledged. Hrrrmmmppphhhh! Whatever happened to 'I'm not going to only crib on this blog'???

** Even though one mustn't give up teasing them mercilessly about it, or they'll get all hoity-toity!

*** Name changed to protect the identity of the deceased and to veil the fact that I actually don't remember the name, but I swear there's a street in Khadki named 'Swargawasi xyz Marg', where xyz is a Muslim name.

The Future of India? Part 1, I think

2008-07-25T15:53:00.003+05:30

7th March 2040, Public document listing the Government's financial achievements on the Government's official web site

India is a great country. She has the most wise financial head in its greatest finance minister, Mr. Pachidam Barhim, who has over the last four years has achieved impossibly great things, raising India to her heights of glory, achieved in the current coalition's last reign. The last Government had received the country in perfect shape, but due to the mismanagement and gross incompetency, turned the country into a quagmire of fiscal and communal mess. The current government, formed from a coalition of 78 forward looking and national parties, had undertaken the reformation of the country and has done a truly formidable job. The 13 step financial agenda and its achievements are listed below.

1. Due to the esteemed Finance Minister's untiring efforts, inflation has been curtailed from a spiraling 34% to a much controllable 32%.

2. Income tax slabs have been reduced from 40% to 30%.

3. Affluence surcharge has been added. It consists of additional 50% income tax for people with income over 1 million Rs per annum.

4. All city dwellers have to pay an additional 15% City Usage tax on the price of their house, when they buy one. Our esteemed minister had cracked a famous joke for this tax. This is the tax, he stated, on all the crap they are going to do in the city over their lifetime. The joke shows the open mindedness of the minister, as well as the depth of his Harvard education. Rent-based urban dwellers will have to pay 20% of their rents as this tax. This tax has been utilized in cleaning all the cities and now any Indian city is cleaner compared to cities in other countries like Bangladesh or Somalia.

5. The ever increasing problem of beggars and the embarrassment of eunuchs has also been taken into account. All urban dwellers have to pay a 3% Beggar And Eunuch Acceptance tax on all goods and services used. All beggars and eunuchs who are registered with the local government, will be given a stipend from this collection. No one is allowed to beg anywhere.

6. Not only has the Government taken heed of issues for urban citizens, it has also taken the large rural population into account. No rural resident has to pay any income tax, irrespective of his or her income or source of income.

7. The Government also provides subsidies over fertilizer, pesticides and seeds of over 20%. Similarly, subsidies are also provided for water and electricity, to the count of 30%.

8. The Government also buys the crops directly from the farmers. The rates of the crops are fixed and decided by the Government, so as to curb inflation and to provide sustenance to the farmers.

9. To prevent farmer suicides, an issue rampant for over the last three decades, the minister in his astounding intelligence introduced a Suicide Prevention and Prohibition fine. The entire village of the farmer who has committed suicide is treated as guilty, for it could not prevent the suicide and it is then required to sell its crops to the Government with a price discount of 20-30%. This has reduced the incidence of farmer suicides to almost nil, but cases of accidental deaths amongst farmers in the same areas have increase proportionally. The Government is looking into the issue.

10. The Government has also addressed the issue of pollution and population very effectively. It has introduced the concept of licensing both for child birth and possession of vehicles. The price for the license for a single child being 50000 Rs., it has reduced the incidence of licensed child birth. As no unlicensed child is considered citizen of India, the presence or absence of such a child is meaningless. In addition, Government has introduced a 12% entertainment tax on all contraceptive devices, which would reduce the incidence of sex and hence the chances of procreation.

11. And only 10000 licenses are given per year for vehicles, so that pollution can be controlled. Fuel is also rationed, with a card given to each vehicle owner, granting him or her a fixed quota for one year.

12. Governments for the past 5 decades have been ineffective for controlling corruption. So this Government has taken a drastic step and legalized corruption. An Anti Corruption Charge of 12% has been charged on all goods and services, which is distributed to all Government employees effectively. In addition, it is estimated in the budget that 30-35% of all allocated monies will be lost in transition.

13. Finally to conclude the 13 step agenda, which has made the country greater than it ever was, is the Compassion tax. This 15% tax on income beyond 400000 Rs. is paid by the majority community of the country and is used to benefit the minority communities. It creates this compassion and interest between communities as the welfare of all communities is dependent on the others.

The veritable greatness of our venerable ministers has filtered down to the ordinary public and it is only due to the great intelligence and force of our ministers that our country is where it is now.

Ten Good Things About Pune?

2008-01-17T10:18:00.000+05:30

Well, the only thing I have done since coming to Pune is cribbed about it. The traffic, the roads, the dust and so on and so forth! So, probably everyone was expecting that I would write a blog saying how rotten Pune is. One guy even told me to write about how it should be nuked! I think he overlooked the small point that he himself would be evaporated along with the city, if it were nuked! And frankly speaking, with Mumbai so close by, why would one waste a costly nuke on Pune!

However, I decided to play contrary, as usual, and the devil's advocate and try to list down ten good things about Pune. You know, not concentrate on the negative, but find the positives.

1. Pune is supposed to be the cultural capital of Maharashtra. I know it doesn't seem all that different and people are not that different from any other part of the country, but I will give Pune the benefit of the doubt; On the assumption that I didn't have the good fortune to meet any of the more cultured people over the last two years.

2. It has a very large and high quality educational capital. Probably true. With so many talented students from outside Pune also making up the ranks, the quality of the general student has to increase. The competition will make sure of that. However, this is just a conjecture. As I have never studied here, I cant claim to be entirely accurate. This is what I have heard, though.

3. It has good job opportunities for people like me; That is to say, IT people. Which is also true. With so many MNCs coming and setting shop, jobs in Pune have been easier to find! And as there are a lot of non IT companies like Bajaj and Volvo, jobs are easier to get even for non -IT people. So the economy of Pune is really good. Well, if people can afford even the EMIs of homes costing 5-6 million, that must be true.

Okay... now I am stuck! I have been thinking about the fourth point for 2 days, but havent been able to! I don't want to talk about malls, or MG roads, or crowds (Though I can talk about Pune crowds ad nauseam) as they are same everywhere. You step in a mall in Pune, or Mumbai, or for that matter Duesseldorf, there isn't much difference. And beyond that, I am stuck. My problem is, I haven't been able to gauge the essence of the city. Understand the soul of Pune. It just seems this dirty, crowded, dusty and expensive city with no traffic sense. And I refuse to believe that that is indeed what the city is about! There must be something more to it. The city does a good job of hiding it though!

However, if anyone can think of any more good things about Pune, do let me know. I would like to make the list go to ten!

India Vs Germany

2008-01-12T16:12:00.000+05:30

In the recent past, I had the opportunity to spend a month or so in Germany. So naturally, given the cribby nature or my blog, I had to write one comparing India and Germany. Now, since my childhood, German efficiency has been praised and admired around me. So I was quite interested in finding out exactly how the heck people are more efficient than other people. The second thing that I was told that I will have lots of language problems. And the third thing told to me, albeit by very few people, was that I might have to face some racial discrimination.

Frankly speaking, I was disappointed on all the three counts. They seemed to be just as lazy as the next Indian you are likely to find. The only difference that came across is that they seem to take a pride in their work, which results in the work getting done better. In India, there is a tendency to just get the work done. No one really bothers about the quality of the work. And of course, there is less corruption and less chaos than what exists in India. I actually had a German policeman smile at me, a feat which I have not seen in India in 26 years of my life! And when I treated him like an information bureau, and asked him how to get to a certain place, I actually got the answer. I have never dared ask anything to any Indian policeman, so I don’t quite know what happens next.

About the language problem, well, I have live in Bangalore for more than 2 years, so I am practiced against all sorts of language trouble. You know the sort, when people understand you, but they pretend not to. Or the one in which if you don’t speak their language, you might as well as be a snail. And in reality, I had more trouble making people understand in Bangalore, then I had in Duesseldorf. Which is really sad!

About the racialism, I really didn’t find any proof. Most people I met were nice and smiley sort of people. And even if some of them looked at you longer than they should, it was an open look and a look of curiosity. This does not include some old ladies, though. They looked at me like they would like nothing better than hitting me on the head with their umbrellas!

And do I need to speak about German girls! Man!! Even if I discount the propensity of the Indian male for fair skin, they were hot! I rarely saw a girl who could be said to be ugly. Most of them were in good shape, with great skin and nice hair. And they were nice too! They smiled back if you smiled at them! And there was this one college student, who waitressed in a restaurant I frequented for dinner. (for obvious reasons!) She was blond and had blue eyes and a great smile. When I walked in to the place, she gave a big welcoming smile which literally made me go Aaaaahhhhh!!! And when she tried to explain the menu to me in her broken English, I wanted to get up and do things, which would in the least, just get me arrested! But there is one thing which as an Indian I have to state. All of them were beautiful, but all of them were beautiful in the same way. In India, though all women are not beautiful, all of them are beautiful in their own ways. Aishwarya Rai and Madhuri Dixit are both beautiful, but just try to lay down the common parameters of their beauty!

The next thing most Indians would enjoy is German beer. There are so many sorts! I mean there are different sorts! There is the normal beer, then Wiesenbier(I am not sure about the spelling), then the Duesseldorf specialty, Altbier, which is really bitter and awesome! But the best was the Cologne beer, Koelsh! It rocked!! In Duesseldorf, calling the Koelsh better than Altbier would have gotten me lynched, but the truth’s the truth! Or at least, a matter of opinion is a matter of opinion!

And If you are a non-veggie, and open to new experiences, then Germany can offer you quite a few things. I actually had zebra and crocodile to eat!!! And, the fun part is, though you eat so much meat and drink so much beer, you don’t get acidity! Which is something I haven’t quite fathomed. I tasted French, Italian, Chinese (German Chinese, in this case), Korean, Mexican, Mongolian, German cuisine there and actually ended up losing some weight!

I actually had a great time in Germany, and might even have considered being born in Germany in my next life, but for only one thing! They don’t like cricket there!

Smart Family

2008-01-02T17:20:00.000+05:30

Yesterday, while traveling back to Pune by train, I had the chance to spend my journey with a very special family. You know the sort which has a lot of money, but almost nothing else. No sense of decency, no sense of propriety, no respect for others spaces or feelings and in most cases, a complete disregard to the fact that others might actually exist! In general, these people are not hard to distinguish. The male of the family will be rather fat with a big tummy, usually speak smartly and appear to be well to do. The woman will also be fat, and dressed in modern clothes, usually a sleeveless top and pants. Both will cling tightly to her body and show unlikely curves because of the fat hanging off her body. And the most icky thing will be the fat hanging off the lower part of her arm. Yiiiiii!!!! Even thinking about it is Yuck!!! The kid/kids will be loudmouthed and spoilt and will generate an inexplicable desire in one to give him/her/them a good hard slap.

If you are traveling by rail, recognizing such people is even simpler. They will have a huge number of bags and baggages and after filling all available storage space, they will ask you to remove your bag from below the seat and put it in the upper sleeping berth. Actually speaking, I am a bit angry, a bit jealous and a bit in awe of such people. Angry, because I am usually at the receiving end of their habits, jealous as I am can never be as unconcerned as they are, no matter how hard I try and awed as I have no idea how to deal with them! I mean, they make unfair requests on one and then look shocked when one refuses, making one feel like the very dregs of humanity! One cant even fight with them, as they have a really loud mouth and ordinary people like such as don't have a chance against them in a verbal exchange. Maybe a few fisticuffs might help, but I haven't tried it. Others are welcome to, if they want.

Anyway, this family had the father, the mother, a rather obnoxious seven year old and a small 6 month old. And a twelvish girl, who probably would be taking care of this kid. Now this girl will probably never go to school and stuff, but I think I am more sorry about her because she has to take care of that kid! She would have been been better off in an asbestos factory!

Well, this whole family dropped in on our heads with about 3 minutes for the train to go off. Then there was this whole fiasco with them fitting about 16 pieces of luggage in every nook and cranny they could find. And then they sat, with the kid taking more space than the other two people on the seat. The mother, father and the baby sat on the other seat with luggage and the maid taking the remaining space on the side seat. Dont ask me where the other 4 people were sitting and how! Two were unequal to the struggle and went on the upper berth and were not seen again till the end of the journey. An uncle and me were left holding the post. Sometime later, both of us left. I to talk to a friend in another coach and he to talk on the phone. By the time I came back, these people had had dinner, obviously on my berth and had spilled food and oil everywhere on the seat! When I asked the lady to clean it up, she told me that I will be putting a sheet on it anyway, so it didn't matter. Let me assure you, I am almost never rendered speechless, but at that moment I was!

Now, if someone is wondering why I called the kid obnoxious, as I haven't mentioned him till now. Thats because the idiot mother let the kid sleep from 6 in the evening till about 10 in the night! Even I know that it is not to be done! Anyway, the kid then refused to sleep till about three in the night. He proceeded to sing tunelessly and loudly and ask inane questions to his dad (How long did it take to make this train! Bloody hell!) and proclaim to all and sundry in a loud voice that he and his dad were having a lot of fun! And yes, sometime in the night, he proceeded to eat potato chips rather noisily about 3 inches from my face! I tell you, I was sorely tempted to turn around and elbow him hard! Only the fact that he would have started crying and making more noise than what he was making stopped me. Eventually, after testing my patience he and his father went to sleep. And then the baby started to cry! I don't want to go into it! It is really amazing that how much noise can come out from such a small thingummy! It cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried! It cried like someone was trying to murder it!

Well, finally the baby stopped crying and the train reached Pune. After the usual haggling with the auto drivers, I got home. Then I got to office and started to think about this blog. And then I thought that I keep meeting such people a lot more nowadays. It seems to be a demand of the current society to become selfish, self centered and money proud. And I don't know what is more frightening, that there are more and more people behaving like this, or that even I might eventually end up like this!

New year resolution

2008-01-02T12:42:00.000+05:30

My new year resolution is to blog once a week. Lets see how long it lasts. And this is a notification, not a blog!

Nostalgia

2007-12-24T18:28:00.001+05:30

Every time I listen to any song from the Tamil movie Boys, I get a very strong feeling of nostalgia. In the hostel I stayed during my Infy training days, a guy staying in the room in front of mine played these songs almost non-stop for 2 months. Not that I minded, I liked the songs. And now they serve to take me back to some of the most pleasant memories of my life.

Mysore was a quaint town when we went there for the Infy training. It was neither too small, nor too big. It was just right! The same cannot be said for the Infy campus there. It was a sprawling 220 acres (if I remember correctly) with a cricket ground inside it. Most of it was under construction and the trainee hostels were not completed, and most of the place reeked of recycled water, but it was very pretty. And we were these innocent lambs, all excited to be working for the "best" company in the country. Brimming with anticipation and all!

One of my mates from college days had traveled along with me to Mysore and we met another guy (who later on became one of my closest friends) on the Bangalore station, from where we traveled to Mysore together. Wen eventually ended up staying in the same room in the same hostel. Another 47 people from the same batch served to fill up the hostel to its brim. The hostel was not a very big one, and the room we shared was not very spacious. 3 beds, 2 cupboards and a table and chair took up most of the room. The remaining was occupied by our books, clothes and us. There were some hot water problems and drinking water problems, and it didn't seem worth what we were paying. But I guess for the fun we had there, it was not that high a price to pay. There was an Andhra mess nearby, which served a Dosa for 3-4 bucks and Onion Uttapam for some 8-10 bucks and most of us descended in the morning there. There was another mess some distance away in some Film Studio, the name of which escapes memory. I think it started from P? There were pool tables in the studio, and got the most awesome Gobi Manchurian I have ever had. And it was walkable to the most happening place in Mysore, KD road, I think, where according to our hostel owner, we were sure to find a lot of "Chicks". I still remember how my roomie lost his mobile in the bus and one of the hostelites went with him searching for the driver and got back the phone. Well, given that phone, it would have been better if it had stayed lost!

In the hostel, we had a TV which was set up in the staircase. I still remember how some 50 of us had wedged ourselves in the staircase and watched the India-Pakistan series. We were making vague threats to anybody, who wanted to move their positions. I particularly remember that after Balaji had just hit a six, someone had dared to turn the page of the book he was reading. At least 10 people around him, told him with rather unkind allusions to his female family members, that if he thought that he could turn the page, he had another thing coming to him. India eventually lost the match and I think he even got bumps, but I am not sure. I was too busy arguing about the match with twenty other people at the top of my voice.

It was not always fun and games though. The training was extremely hectic. We had to learn Oracle in one week, C in another and so on! The passing was 65% and there were also projects to consider! It was bloody tough! And then there were Compres! Yes, those bastards!! There were two comprehensive tests which were so hard that most people would have gladly taken bullets, rather than face Compres! There was some marking error in the second compre, due to which 35 % of the people failed. They corrected the discrepancy and the percentage went up to 40%! Though it was challenging, it was still quite good! I guess I have not required anything from the training, as my project ultimately was totally different and new, but the trainings opened my mind. It gave me a habit to learn quickly, and then learn new stuff again and again! I guess that was what the training was all about!

In spite of all the trouble, with the training and the food and the water and the Compres, I find that most people in Infy remember training very fondly. People tell me that the training is so enjoyable because it is the first time people are genuinely independent. But I think it had more to do with the fact that at that time, I was innocent (Well!! More innocent then I am now!) and fresh. And the fact that probably, I had no genuine problems. Now too many things have happened. There have been too many incidents, too many problems, too many disappointments. Some things done by me, some things done by others. Somethings for which I should have apologized, somethings for which I should have been apologized to. I have lost a lot of ideals and a lot of idols. I lost some friends and some friends have lost me. I have hurt some and some have hurt me. I have lost faith in a lot of stuff and lost God only knows what! But at least I have nostalgia. Something which will bring a smile to my face in spite of everything!

One hand aint grand

2007-11-26T11:09:00.000+05:30

I haven't updated my blog for some time, but I had a rather unkind last month. Though it started rather okay, it lost track midway through the month. It really assumed the lowest point on the 14th. I failed rather heavily in a short wrestling match with a Maruti van. In fact, I came out with one dislocated shoulder and a very big lesson- no matter how weak a Maruti Van looks, it is a dirty fighter and cheats! The doctor, one of the few honest ones left in Pune, I guess, jerked me up rather cheaply and fixed my hand so that I could not move anything else on that arm other than 4 fingers. And fat lot of good they were too! The only thing I could do with them was tickle my tummy whenever I got the fancy for it! And then he gleefully told me that this would last for 2-3 weeks and then kicked me out of his office.

And then the real fun started! You don't realize the importance of having two hands till you end up having only one! And that too, if the hand that is left for you is not your strong hand. I mean, even brushing your teeth is a chore! You just don't realize how much coordination your fingers and hands actually do without you thinking about it! The first time I took up brushing, I suddenly realized that it was mighty difficult to put paste on the brush with one hand. I think I stuck the base of the brush between the sink and the wall and put on paste. Well, that was not all, the first time I tried to get the brush in my mouth, it somehow ended up near my chin. The second time was even worse! I overcompensated and ended up brushing my nostril. By the third time, I seemed to have got a hang of it, but realized that I had completely spilled the paste by then. But eventually, I got it done! And by the time the day was over, I realized that brushing was comparatively quite easy!

The second problem was the loo! I wont even tell you what I did there! I will just tell you that it took quite a bit of ingenuity to actually achieve whatever I was trying to achieve!

Wearing clothes, well!! Try buckling your pants with one hand. It is next to impossible! And I had to stop wearing a belt. There is one point in a belt where you just need to use the other hand. I couldn't, and so I lost grip on the belt. I went round and round in circles a few times, like a dog chasing its tail, then gave it up in a huff! I didn't even attempt to wear shoes!

Even eating becomes so difficult. You actually have to concentrate that your hand reaches your mouth and not some other part of your anatomy! And spoons! It is a lesson in coordination to eat with spoons. It is amazing how the spoon reaches the mouth in the proper angle and elevation without one thinking about it! The spoon never came in the proper position for me. It always came up sideways, or at a larger elevation or something!

Typing can be done with one hand, but again, not if you have to do something extraordinary! You know, something like Alt+Ctrl+F10. And as Murphy's laws go, I had to test some ASCII characters that day! So I had to use the Numpad and the Alt key a lot. One piece of advice, the Microsoft Windows keyboard really helps! Though it slows you down, at least it gets the job done.

The list could just go on and on, but the point is simple. I got really sick of using just one hand in just 2 weeks. I have to give kudos for those who do it for their entire lives. And this is a predicament I wont wish on anybody, so don't go wrestling Honda Citys or Toyota Corollas. They just look like anyone might beat them, but its too thick a risk!

Of course the upside is that you get a sort of notoriety. Everyone suddenly seems interested in you. Girls become sympathetic! Guys become brotherly! And if you can milk it for all its worth, you can get a lot of value out of it! But I would still rather be unknown with two hands rather than known with one!

P.S: Did I tell you about the airport? Well, they day after I managed the feat, I decided to go home in a flight. I went to the airport in time, boarded the flight when it came and then spent the next three hours in the flight, waiting for it to take off! It eventually got canceled! You know why, coz no flights are supposed to take off at the Pune airport after 6:30! Though we boarded at actually 5:30, we were not allowed to take off! The why here is even sillier! Some wise guy at the airport has made a rule that for every flight that takes off, 2 flights have to land! A flight took off before us and only one landed after it. We were made to wait for another landing (which never came) and then as we had crossed 6:30, we were not allowed to take off! The only good thing is I got a free sandwich out of it!

In search for happiness???

2007-10-04T12:32:00.000+05:30

It is sometimes so amazing how we seem to forget the little things! Or that we just complicate life so much. Yesterday, I was returning from home (yes, I had gone again! And yes, I had planned for it 3 weeks in advance. I have said I suffer from stage 3 weekendophobia) and a lil kid, probably 2-3 years old, or younger(I have trouble guessing lil kids' ages. I guess if they have teeth, they must be 2 years old?), was sitting in her mommy's lap in front of me. When our eyes met, the kid gave me a full bright smile. I was completely taken aback by that smile, and then I realized one very sad thing. It was an effort to smile back! I just couldn't smile back at her. It took me a couple of seconds to arrange my mouth in the semblance of a smile, during which the kid seemed to have lost interest in me.

I just couldn't believe anyone could smile at anyone for no reason! That kid had no reason, she just smiled, just because she wanted to! And I couldn't even respond in time! Oh, how we complicate things! Everything we do has to have a reason. It has to have a cause or an effect! That is so sad! I mean, what else can I say! We complicate things so much, that we forget the simplest of things. And it takes a two year old kid who cannot yet string her alphabets, to teach them back to us. And just look at this! This kid smiled at me and I am writing a Godforsaken blog about it! How much more complex can we make things?

But the kid got me thinking? What can be the simple things to do, which would just improve life a little, and not cost a lot of money or time or effort. If such a list is to be made, how would it go? Maybe a little like below.

1. Smiling. Maybe not smiling at anyone in particular (who knows, he or she may take offense!), but just keeping a cheery face.

2. Just stopping at certain occasions. Like when it rains after a dry spell, just pausing for a minute and taking in the scent of rains. Or when you see a beautiful sunset (sunrises don't seem to occur in my life), just a little pause to admire it.

3. Letting ice cream drip on your hands and then lick it from there. This is again picked up from kids. They rather seem to enjoy it a lot.

4. Letting the wind blow on your face when you are traveling from a bus or a train.

I guess, you get the idea. Go make a list for yourself. Maybe, you might find it easier to be happy.

RTOs suck!!!

2007-09-25T21:45:00.000+05:30

It been a long time since I have written a "I have been wronged, the world is an evil place" sort of rant. So I thought I give it a shot again! And this time the focus of my ire is the RTO.

The RTO is, according to me, a waste of time, money, human power(If you consider the people working at RTOs as humans. They seem more like paperweights to me!) and space! If its two major functions are to be considered, vis-a-vis, the registration of vehicles and the licensing of drivers, they serve no ultimate purpose! The only thing registration of vehicle does, is it gives the owner a government paper saying the vehicle belongs to him! But one has to ask, is it really necessary? Couldn't the cash memo from the dealer and the insurance of the vehicle do the same? In fact, the insurance papers should be enough! If the driver or someone in the car cant provide a proper ID matching with the name on the insurance papers, then its probably something worth investigating! I can hear nitpickers saying that how will someone recognize the vehicle! Then I say, that there is a damned chassis number on the vehicle! Now again, I can hear some idiot saying what if the insurance papers are faked? Then to that idiot, I answer that what the insurance people should do is provide with a laminated card, containing the name of the owner, his/her photograph, the make of the car, the chassis number, the engine number and all other sorts of information pertaining to the owner and the vehicle! They could also provide a hologram or a chip on that card, which would make it difficult to fake. And think of all the money that the people will save! No registration charges. Just a little more over the premium paid to the insurance company. And also a surety that everyone will have insurance!

And given the kind of people who drive on the roads, it seems that any Tom, Dick and Harry is given a license! I think, if someone tries hard enough, they can get licenses for their pets! So, why even worry about the licenses! I mean, 300 people die every year on Pune roads, even with all the mumbojumbo. If driving licenses are not made mandatory, will more people die? Will there be more accidents? Probably yes, one might say. So, is there a valid replacement for licenses? (Well, parental control, for one. Especially on Delhi roads!) Again, the insurance companies seem a very likely method. While giving the insurance for a vehicle, you also specify who is likely to drive the vehicle. So now lets say a husband and wife buy a Luna (Do they still make them?) They specify that both will drive. So, insurance companies give 2 cards. One for the husband and one for the wife. Now, as insurance companies are not very interested in paying out claims, they will definitely have a stringent driving test taken out. If you pass, you get the insurance, otherwise you dont. This also ensures a better quality control of drivers.

Now the one obvious flaw in the scheme is what if the insurance companies bully the people(That's very unusual!). Isn't there a regulatory body to control this? One which controls the policies and stuff of the companies. And secondly, I feel the mutual competition of the companies will control it effectively by itself!

Cricket! Cricket! Cricket!

2007-09-15T21:13:00.000+05:30

Friday's 20-20 cricket match between India and Pakistan was one of the most amazing matches that I had ever seen. It exemplified the definition of cricket. It vacillated between India and Pakistan and finally ended in a tie. This was the first time I ever witnessed a tie in an India match. If I remember correctly, India had tied against Zimbabwe in South Africa in 1996 before this. But I had somehow missed that match. Then of course, the famous tie in the world cup semifinal between Australia and South Africa in 1999. And an even more famous tie in the 2003 world cup in South Africa, where South Africa and Duckworth Lewis were involved. I just remember these two! I don't even remember who the other team was! I keep feeling it was Kenya, though!

Cricket is most enjoyed when it is a very balanced competition between batsmen and bowlers, or when it is a complete non contest between batsmen and bowlers. The best matches are those in which either the side batting first gets 320 or more and the other side gets it or when the first side gets 180 and the he other side doesn't get it. I somehow enjoy the second type more.

Well, seeing the tied match on Friday, I just wanted to make a list ala Shane Warne of the best in cricket that I remember. Best balls, best shots, best matches and such like. (There are two important differences between Shane Warne and me. The first is he took 700 wickets, so he can publish his thoughts in papers across the world, while I cant. The second is he cant publish in my blog, while I can!)

Lets start with the best test innings I have seen. It would have to be the Sachin's century in the second test match in South Africa in 96. I have never since seen an inning of such domination, such sheer presence! Laxman's 281 does come close, but the second best innings has to be Dravids double in Melbourne in 2004. And the above three also are one part of the best partnerships that I have seen. With Tendulkar in South Africa, there was Azhar, who got a century in 90 something balls! Then come the two Laxman-Dravid partnerships, one at Kolkata and one at Melbourne. Another partnership that does come for mention here is the Dravid-Tendulkar partnership in Headingly, in 2002.

Till now the reader must have come to realise that I am a rabid supporter of the Indian cricket team and very rarely will any other player or team feature in my lists. Be it a Lara double against Australia, or Hayden's antics against India in 2001. None will come close to any Indian players'.

The three best one day innings are obviously 2 Tendulkar tons against Australia in 1998 in Sharjah and one Tendulkar 90 against Pakistan in 2003. As the reader must also realize, I am a very hard core Tendulkar supporter! The best partnership, however, is the Kaif-Yuvraj one at Lords in The 2002 Natwest series.

As far as bowling is concerned, I somehow dont seem to remember any! There is a Kumble 10-74 at Delhi against, but Kumble has done similar things so often in the final innings, that it just doesn't seem so special. Kumble is the greatest cricketer that India's ever produced, because he has won more matches for us than anyone else I know! However, there is a Srinath 6-21 against South Africa in 1996, in Kanpur, that might require some mention. In a one day series, however, Ganguly's bowling against Pakistan in the second Sahara cup, has to be fabulous. This is the only instance that I know when an Indian bowler finished a batsmen's career! Ganguly was all over Rameez Raja, who never played any international match after that series!

Now lets get to the specifics. The best ball, the best shot and such like!

The best shot. Sachin's cover drive against McGrath in Nairobi, in the first ICC knockout trophy. One more from Sachin. A six off Caddick, an exquisite pull shot in 2002. I guess, any of Saurav's cover drives can come in here. He's hit so many, just pick any one. And how can one not mention Sachin's six off Olonga in Sharjah in 1998, off the cut shot. And the same shot off Shoaib Akhtar in the 2003 world cup. If ever, one shot defeated a side, that was one!

The best ball. Well, there are so many to pick. A slower bowl from Agarkar that completely bamboozled Atapattu at Sharjah, in 1998, or Harbhajan Singhs dusra that got the better of Kallis in 2003. But the best one is shared by Shane Warne and Anil Kumble (bug surprise!!). Kumble cleaning up Steve Waugh with a flipper in Kolkata(or was it Calcutta then?) in 1998. Steve had no idea what had happened to him! The Shane Warne's ball to Collingwood in the 2007 Ashes. The ball pitched about 20 feet outside leg stump, spun, missed Collingwood's defensive lunge and hit the stumps. The best balls by fast bowlers involve Wasim Akram and Allan Donald. Wasim's ball to Dravid at Chennai, I guess it was. Dravid has a perfect forward defense and he seemed to have the ball covered. It pitched around middle stump, short of a length and somehow managed to find its way around Dravid'd bat and body and hit the top of off stump. I have seen that ball about 200 times on Youtube and I still dont know how it was managed! Then Donald's incutter to Sachin in 1996 in South Africa. It pitched about 3 feet outside off stump on a length and cut back in, missing Tendulkar's defensive lunge and uprooting the off stump. That also happens to be the fastest ball I have ever seen!

Okay, now the best catch, the best bouncer and the best yorker. The best catch was by Adam Bacher to get rid of Sachin in the innings I talked about earlier, against South Africa in 1996. He caught the Tendulkar pull on the boundary, jumping up at the last moment and hanging on by the tips of his fingers. It was a fantastic end to a fantastic innings. The 2 best bouncers are one bowled by Steve Harmison to Rikcy Ponting in the 2005 Ashes and the one to Tendulkar by Anderson at Lords in 2007. These two are the best batsmen in the world and hitting them on the face with a bouncer is a terrific achievement! The best yorker is not Waqar's to Lara, where Lara fell down to get his toes out of the way, but by Wasim to get rid of Chandarpaul in West Indies. The ball appeared to be a waist high full toss till it suddenly decided to dip, swing in and land around Chandarpaul's toes and make a mess of his stumps!

And can there be any finer match than that at Kolkata against Australia? I think not!!!

P.S. This is not technically a rant, but I was so moved by the 20-20 match that I wanted to write something good about cricket! If I had spent the amount of time I spend watching, reading about, playing or thinking about cricket in trying to find a cure for AIDS, I still wouldn't have managed to find it. At least, I had a good time doing nothing!

An unusual little crib

2007-09-06T14:22:00.000+05:30

Grown Up

I sit in a room, staring at a screen;
The wall is gray, the floor, green.
The screen talks, I talk back with my mouse,
Then, I will make a report and go back to my house!
The room is cold, the chair uncomfortable.
Papers, trash, work has piled up my table.

Where have I reached, what have I done.
Where are the days, when rain was fun,
when I laughed for no particular reason,
And played the fool, in every season?

I was happy, for there was nothing else to be!
The world was new and fresh, and I was free.

Why wasn't it just enough to have fun,
Why was I chained, before I had even begun?
Why did I have to have a dream?
Why wasn't it enough to have ice cream?
So I dreamt, I dreamt my childhood away
All to be a someone, so to say!

Then, I worked and worked so,
I could get where I wanted to go!

And here I am, where I wanted to be,
And I have everything, but I am not happy
So my dream has come true, yet blown up,
I guess, it is just that I have grown up?

Weekendophobia

2007-08-22T16:22:00.000+05:30

Last weekend, I had gone home. (Definition of Home: A place where you get food of your choice, where tea is ready the moment you wake up (and tea tastes like tea, not heated up liquid prasad that we get in temples), where the world stops even if you just sneeze, where people are actually happy on seeing your face and most importantly, the place where you belong without any effort!)

So anyway, last weekend I had gone home. So at least for that weekend, I did not have to worry about what I was going to do! The weekend before that, I had absolutely nothing to do, so I watched TV. I actually ended up watching female cricket(Woe!!! Woe!! Woe!!!). Do you know that there is a female Indian called Jhulan something or the other, who is the fastest female bowler in the world! She was bowling at 110 k mph and beating people for pace!!! Around this moment I came to realize that I was suffering from weekendophobia!

This is a new term I have come up with. It is defined as the fear of spending weekends doing nothing! The entire life of the people suffering from this disease is spent in looking at the weekends with sheer dread! I will now list the symptoms and stages.

1. You start planning on Thursday what you are going to do on Saturday. You start contemplating about Saturday, and looking at it with fear, even on Wednesday! This is generally the first symptom. This stems up from the fact that you fear you will be left alone and everyone else will go to a movie without you. The disease goes into the second stage when you buy movie tickets for everyone and force them to come even if they don't want to!

2. The second symptom, usually in the second stage is denial! Anybody saying that they are very busy in the weekend and have no time only, are usually the victims of this disease. Denial is not only for the world, but for themselves. They will stay at home and even convince themselves to believe that they dont need anybody! The people in this stage are embittered and tend to look on the world with what they consider "all-knowing" and "all-understanding" looks. They can also come across as pompous and generally cause a feeling of intense irritation to the people they come in contact with! One more way to recognize them is to see who gets the most bumps on random occasions. Anybody receiving more than 30 kicks is surely suffering from this disease!

3. The next symptom is depression. It is at this time that the victim will start thinking that life is just a succession of weekends, on which the victim either does nothing or nothing useful! His whole existence will try to make sure that no weekends come into his life. He will work on Saturdays and even come to office on Sunday. Weekends hurt him, so there will be no weekends for him.(Most people in Indian Multinational IT companies get stuck in this stage!). The depression stems from the fact that he still dreads the next weekend to come and that he cannot do anything about it. Some people do stay at home and watch female cricket, but they get even further depressed! So, to counter boredom on weekends and have something to do, they start writing blogs!

4. The final stage is zealous action. In this stage people plan weekends months in advance. They know what they are going to do 6 weekends later. If there is an empty weekend in the middle, they live in absolute fear of it! Their life is blighted by that weekend! They even contemplate jumping in front of a running car, just so that they can spend the weekend in a hospital, rather than spending it doing nothing!

Once in stage four, the disease cannot go any worse. Only will power can help control the disease from here on.

There is only one known cure. Marriage! People who are married lose the symptoms of the disease very quickly. There are other side effects of this cure, though! Symptoms include Lackoffreetimis, Nofreedomitis, henpeckedomortis and such like. So one is advised to make sure that they want to be cured of weekendophobia. The results may be devastating!

A not so unlikely conversation!

2007-07-31T16:32:00.000+05:30

Any and all resemblance to anyone is purely coincidental.

Characters:

1. Sanjay Arvind Gore. Male, about 5'10", late twenties, black hair, straight nose, wheatish complexion, brown eyes, strong
chin, good looking in a rugged way. Effect increased by a scar on the chin.

2. Aditi Mangesh Pangarkar. Female, pretty in a homely way, of medium build, slim, fair, about 23-24

Stage:

(Sunday evening, mid Jan, around sixish in the evening. Sanjay standing in front of a coffee shop. Looking around like he is waiting for somebody. Muttering oaths to himself, under his breath. Looks like he is waiting for some time and his impatience is taking over. Aditi walks over, looking a bit nervous. A little shamefaced.)

Aditi: Ummmm.. Sanjay??

Sanjay: Yes.(Smiles. Bites back his temper at being kept waiting). And you must be Aditi!(Gives her an appraising look from her feet to up)

Aditi: Yes. (Thinking to herself "How many girls were you expecting to see!". But still a bit bashful because the Sanjay's look).

Sanjay: Let us walk in! I have booked a table for us.(Failed attempt at bluster.)

(Both walk in and sit at a table for two in the corner of the shop.)

Sanjay: So.... what would you have to like? (Realises his mistake. Aditi giggles.) I mean, like to have?

Aditi: Ummm.. anything is ok. I like Chocochino, though. But anything you order is ok.

Sanjay: Chocochino?? Anything to eat?

Aditi: No. I dont eat much in the evening.

(Sanjay orders a large Latte and a small Chocochino)

(A minute or two of silence. Both looking a bit embarassed to continue conversation. Mostly looking at their hands on the table, stealing glances at each other.)

Sanjay: (Suddenly gushes) My mother told me about you. (Realises that might not be the best possible start and falls back silent.)

Sanjay: Why dont you tell me about yourself? (Looks very pleased with himself at this sudden burst of imagination!)

Aditi: What do you want to know? I am 23, working for an IT company for the last two years. Before that, I did my engineering from XYZ college at Pune. What about you?

Sanjay: Well, I was onsite in Dallas for 3 yrs working for ABC corp. They are out biggest client you know. I have been in LGF for 6 years now. I have just become a project manager. I have 19 people working under me. I have recently bought a Swift! And I own a 2BHK in Wakad (Slight pause after tirade. Then another burst of inspiration) Which is your favourite hero?

Aditi: Shahrukh Khan. Your's? (Thinking to herself, it's not which, Mr Project Manager, its who!)

Sanjay: I dont have a favorite hero! (This time succeeds at pompousness!) I am not very interested in movies. They are so mundane! (Hoping he is sounding intelligent.)

Aditi: So, what do you like?

Sanjay: Well, after finishing work I dont get any time to do anything else. I try to work out at the gym regularly, but apart from that.....

Aditi: Do you read? I love to read!

Sanjay: I read newspapers and magazines. (Then as an afterthought). I dont get much time, you see. What do you read?

Aditi: Fiction, mostly. I watch lots of movies and stuff. And I like to go out to trips too.

Sanjay: (Snidely) Well, do you watch Saas-bahu serials? (Then laughs at his own clever humor)

Aditi: No, not much. I dont watch too much TV. Do you like sports?

Sanjay: Yes. I played cricket for my class. I am the captain of my team's cricket team now. I open the batting and bowling for them!

(Coffees come. Another period of silence and they put in sugar and stir it)

Sanjay: I may have to go onsite again, in a while. So you may have to quit you job and come with me.

(Aditi, choking, at this sudden change of topic and the unprovoked attack on her career!)

Aditi: My H1 has been processed this year and even I may get to go onsite. And I have given GMAT too. I will apply in a year or so!

Sanjay: Well, MBA in US. Isn't that very costly? How do you plan to pay for it? (Implying that the girl's father bloody well take care of it. He's not going to pay for her MBA!)

Aditi: Well, I thought of getting an admission first, then worrying about the fees. (Implying that if he intends to marry her, he ruddy well start saving money!)

Sanjay: Yes, yes. Good idea! But anyway, we are veering from the topic. The chances of ours getting onsite in the same city is difficult, so if we dont you can quit your job. You can come with me and then do an MBA from some local college.

Aditi: (Looking slightly rebellious) My score is 720! I can get in a very good college!

Sanjay: But what will you do with an MBA! Eventually, we will have kids and you will have to take care of them.

Aditi: Well, its good we are getting it out in the open. I am not planning to have kids for the next 5 years at least. And it will be so much better, if we can adopt a kid and just avoid all the messy stuff!

(Sanjay laughs and then smothers it, as he cant decide whether she is being serious or not! Completely at a loss to say anything. Sanjay had thought that his flat at Wakad and his new car would blow the girl off her feet! So just sips his coffee. An uncomfortable moment of silence, ever lenghtening!)

Aditi: Dont you want to further your education and add value to yourself?

Sanjay: (Thinking about it for a moment) Well, I am in a good position, arent I? Why do I want to quit my job and learn more. I am looking for a part time MBA from ASD institute.

Aditi: Hmmmm.... So you just want to settle down and have a few kids?

Sanjay: Yes, and you want to get an MBA and have a glorious career?

Aditi: Yes. Can you cook?

Sanjay: (Slightly enraged at the implications of the question!) Well, I can make chicken!

Aditi: Well, I dont eat non-veg, so you will have to quit it! I cant bear the stench of nonveg in the house!

Sanjay: (Sputtering, now completely shocked out of words!) But why do I have to quit it?

Aditi: Well, you expect me to quit my job and come with you? Is quitting non-veg such a large expectation? (Conveniently ignoring the fact that she has no intention of quitting her job)

Sanjay:(Finally regrouping his forces and launching an attack.) Can YOU cook?

Aditi: Yes. I can make dal and rice! And maggi!

Sanjay: Thats very good! (Looking around for an escape from here!)

(The waiter comes asking if they want anything else. Sanjay grabs him and asks for the bill! The bill comes. They haggle for a while on whose going to pay the bill, before deciding to go dutch! They pay the bill and leave the hotel!)

Sanjay: Do you want me to drop you home?

Aditi: No. My boy friend is waiting for me at the corner!

Sanjay:(Blanching) Okay. Good bye, then! I will call you sometime!

Aditi: Yeah, sure! No probs! Bye!

Cricket, Life and God!

2007-07-23T16:15:00.000+05:30

This started with Sachin's ad saying that "Life is like cricket" or "cricket is like life". I forget which. But anyway, it started me thinking. Life IS like cricket! You are the batsman and God is the entire opposing cricket team. God's team has the most exemplary swing bowlers, fast bowlers, leg spinners and off spinners. They can bowl both right handed and left handed, and they do so as the fancy takes them. As the umpire is also on God's payroll, he doesn't even call a no ball! And then there is the pitch to contend with! Some lucky people get absolute batting paradises, where even God cant do anything special. His leg cutters don't cut and His out swingers don't even threaten! These are the people who score runs by the centuries! But most people get horrendous pitches! The ball spits, turns, hits the throat off a length once and stays at the ankles the next. It basically makes batting a chore and a constant struggle, and most unfortunately a losing battle. Then there are a quite a few of us, who get pitches where if you work hard, you will get runs. The ball will turn, swing, bounce a little, but basically will be playable!

When we go in to start batting, the most experienced bowler of God's team is facing us. He is quite genial, even willing to let us face a few trial deliveries if we wish so. And even after that, when He starts at the back of his run up, He bowls so well that most of us cant even touch Him. He is the perfect swing bowler! Most of his deliveries land on middle and leg, and swing out! We don't even know where to put the bat! And to add to that, He keeps telling us our mistakes. "Sonny boy", he says, "You wont last long if you flash like that!". "Keep your bat close to your pads! What the hell do you think you are, the Gateway to heaven!" The first few overs are, even then, mostly play and miss, a few lucky edges and an unjudicious swipe or two, every now and then. As this is the time to consolidate your position,

The real threat is the first change bowler! Now this Bugger is really fast and furious! And your whole innings later on depends on how well you play Him! He bowls bouncers by the dozen! Ever had a paper you were sure you would fail! That's His favorite type of bouncer. It wont kill you, but dent your confidence big way. Somewhere between his barrage of bouncers and quick stuff, you suddenly realize He is not so bad, if played judiciously and properly, He can yield a few runs! All you need is to put the bat down in time and the ball races to the boundary! And you realize this is where you need to score fast and well, because if you don't, you are left playing catch for the remaining innings. Trying to score well, because you didn't score well now! Anyway, you should consider yourself lucky if you get out of His spell with only a few dents and bumps and a good score. It is somewhere around this time that you get your footwork going, your adrenaline rushing. You start seeing the ball and get the feeling that this is bloody easy, where the hell is that first outswing bowler. You have made mental plans to hoick His outswingers over midwicket and tell Him to go fetch it!

But God is an extremely shrewd captain. He realizes that you are now very comfortable playing seam and swing and introduces a new weapon. He brings out his spinners. The leg spinner spins from way out of the leg stump and the off spinner lands it just near the edge of the pitch and spins it back from there! But around this time, you are not alone. Your partner also finds her footwork and seems to be particularly adept at playing spin. She never seemed to like pace bowling in the first place. This is more her element! Of course all she does initially is take a single easily of the first ball of the over and then leave you to struggle with the spin for the rest of the over, all with a dazzling smile and a naughty batting of the eyes, like she is enjoying your discomfort! And she keeps throwing encouragement from across the pitch! You are not sure what is more irritating, that you are looking like a complete idiot or that she is not! You keep getting the feeling to strangle her, but the moment she gets near you at the end of the over, you forget your anger and just do nothing, wondering why you were so angry at her just then! She is so nice, and means so well! Eventually though, she seems to take pity on you, and takes the brunt of the attack, scoring easy singles and keeping you from getting into pressure and playing stupid shots. Soon, you find your feet against spin and take a leaf out of her book and make a glorious partnership! However, not many people find much coordination at running between the wickets and the partnership is more a comedy of errors than a smooth run getting machine! Some even get run out! Some just ask for new partners!

However, the moment you feel comfortable, an additional responsibility is sent on to you. You are given a lunch break and asked in that break to prepare a new pitch(es). You know from experience how tough it is to play on a bad pitch, so you try to make as good a pitch as you can for the new player! But making the new pitch takes time and your time depends on the amount of runs you have scored! The more runs you have scored, the longer you can keep making the pitch. Anyway, you make the best pitch(es) you can and then come back to battle!

Now, you realize, is the time for some shot playing. You have got some runs behind you and now you are seeing the ball like a football. And you realize, philosophically, by this time, that you are going to get out whatever the case! So, as well as make the most out of it, while you can! You start playing shots, get glorious runs, get some applause and finally a ball misses your bat and catches just the off bail, but that is enough! You are out! Your inning is over! You can go inside the pavilion and relax and wait for your partner to come and chat with you about the weather!

Addendum to the Software union post... By a lazy smoker

2007-07-18T18:15:00.001+05:30

This is a post by a smoker friend of mine, who prefers to remain anon.--- Soumi

This ain't for the non smokers. This is straight from the heart of a passionate smoker. Apart from the Income taxes, rick drivers, etc etc.. we smokers have to bear the wrath of another species of “wanna get rich quick” type of people. The paan tapri owners. I specifically speak of the one next to my office. The owner of this particular shop is old and wears ragged clothes and looks illiterate! But looks can be deceptive! He is the best businessman on the street. Behind his villager type appearance is another Dhirubhai in the making… that do without doing any worthwhile of work.(That is for us common people. He doesn't need to work!)

He adds personal taxes to anything he sells. From petty toffees to cigarette packs, they all are sold at his price. The taxes are random and usually dependant of the personality of the customer (Read idiot -- Soumi) And since there isn’t any competitor in the near vicinity, we have to bear with him and his taxes.

I have to praise this guys economic fundamentals. He has very strong demand-supply fundamentals. If the demand of a particular commodity (in our case a toffee costing 50p) goes up, the price of the commodity too shoots up. The same toffee which is sold at 50p all over India suddenly is priced at 1 rupee. That’s a straight hundred percent increase in price. (I guess he has a laptop at home, where he keeps accounts…complex graphs and formula and God only knows what else). And the fluctuation of the prices of the commodities can challenge the variation pattern of indexes of most of the stock-markets in the world!! As I said the demand goes down the prices go down. A week later the same toffee was 75p (since we stopped buying it... obviously)

Another trick in his kitty is the best business move of the century. The day he increased the price of the above mentioned toffee by 100%, he got a local made counterfeit which was priced at 50p which must have cost him around 3p (the taste was not even worth 1p, but considering the duplicate cover the toffee was wrapped in..3p is ok). Man…what a move... if you don’t wanna pay 1 rupee for the original toffee. Abracadabra…you get one for 50ps. Not many people are fortunate enough to witness such smart business moves.

But another incident takes the cake guys!!! Read on…

One fact of the tapri owner which was never noticed by anyone came into light in February. He is a master in economics; since the Indian economy affects his business (he could give the big analysts a run for their money). This one took place in Feb as mentioned. The day the Budget was proposed (with a clause of increasing the duty on cigarettes), the prices of the already overpriced cigarettes shot up. Could you believe that…the budget’s not yet passed in the parliament and this moron is selling cigarettes at a higher price citing Budget as an excuse. This was even before the stock market reacted to the proposed budget.

Mostly next year the way he is getting greedier, the cigarette prices will rise in January itself, even before the finance minister cooks up the budget .

Kudos to this man, who is here to make a fortune at our expense and being successful at it. And we addicts can’t even help it. As the saying goes “there is fire at one end and a fool at the other”

The Indian Police force -Part II

2007-07-18T16:48:00.000+05:30

The first thing I thought was to just abolish the police force. Do away with it completely! But even my imagination boggled at the task! I just couldn't imagine a world without the perennial "maamu". Whatever one might say about the police force, they perform a very important function. Most of the denizens of this country don't do any crimes, because they are afraid of the police. There is still a stigma attached to being arrested. And frankly speaking, most people have no desire to test out the stories of third degree. Till the policemen perform this function of passive prevention, they cant be done off with! We have to bear with them! As the dialog went in a recent Hindi movie, "there will be a man with a gun standing at your doors. You have to decide, whether it will be a policeman or a goon!" Very relevant, I say!

So, if we have to have them, how to make them do their jobs better. For an answer, I tried looking at the more efficient policing forces in history. And the the most efficient one seemed to be the Gestapo. But they are a mite too efficient for me! Really speaking, if we did have something as efficient as that, your's truly would already have been pining away at some concentration camp, thinking why oh why, did I ever write this blog! Then, I brought the efficiency level down a little bit and the London bobbies or the NY PD or LA PD came to mind. But, really speaking, how efficient would an NY PD man be in India. With the provisions and conditions given to the Indian policemen? Just about as efficient as our's is! I mean, no helicopter support, no centrally computerized database, limited forensic support and what not! Can you imagine what they would be like? And then put in the Indian population into the equation. Uneducated, impoverished, segregated with caste, religion, language. I can see the sergeants and patrolmen lining up for tickets back to US.

So, an international solution may not be as agreeable as it might initially seem to. It has to be Indian. Something which has been implemented in India. Hence, I looked in India for efficiency. And immediately, the Indian defense forces struck me! Not that there is no corruption there, or not even that they are the most efficient force in the world. But, they seem to be the most well managed force in India. And some of the principles that apply to them, apply to Indian police as well. Thinking on these lines, I jotted down some pointers that may make the Indian police force work more efficiently than they do.

1. First there are the cosmetic changes. Their uniforms should be changed. Whatever one might say, khaki is the color of peons and other servantile jobs. Not the color of authority! Military green might be good! It may be confusing, though!

2. All policemen should be made to run 2 km in 15 minutes before giving them their salaries. At least, that might keep them in shape and they might look less like mustachio Pete's and more like law keepers.

3. Then the real changes. Most obviously, their pay packages should be improved. You keep hearing in every other movie, that in a Hawaldar's salary, not even cooking gas can be brought, or some version of that statement. So, pay the policemen enough so that they actually feel guilty about not doing their work properly. They actually feel guilty about being corrupt.

4. All the policemen's families should be kept in secure colonies, like the military forces. If they know their families are safe from retribution if they do anything dangerous, might make them more likely to perform their duties. Also, proper insurance should be provided to their families, in case of some untimely accident. They should at least get enough money to support them for the next 4-6 years.

5. Like the military, the police force should be free from political interference. (Here I am assuming the part that the armed forces are free of political interference. It at least seems so!) There should be rules and regulations for transfers and suspensions. Of course, this might mean that the police force might have to be a centrally controlled force, rather than a state controlled force, but that may not be such a bad thing.

I believe, if these 5 changes can be implemented, the police force may work better. However, that they will definitely will do so, depends on one thing. The fact that the police force actually wants to serve the country and it's people. And here, I unfortunately have to say, I have genuine doubts!

P.S.: It is damn difficult to write really serious stuff! I ain't gonna do this ever again! My out-of-this-world, bombastic posts are good enough for me!

Indian Police Force - Part I

2007-07-08T16:46:00.000+05:30

The source of this particular blog is a statement I heard today. I was in a Pune multiplex, which is usually the sole source of entertainment for us unattached guys on the weekends. While moving up the stairs, I heard a red Ferrari T shirt telling a green checked shirt that "Sab policewaale saale chor hote hai!". All policemen are thieves! The statement got me thinking. I mean, first the complex antithesis of words and then the not so subtle irony. But, the thing that struck me most was the fact that if someone made this statement in a public medium like a newspaper, very few people will come forward and deny it!

The cops have indeed garnered a bad name for themselves! And it doesn't help them that the newspapers keep on reporting stories of "accidental" deaths in custody and other gruesome stories, some even involving rapes! But even that is not the worst of it! These stories cannot be considered as a representation of the entire police force. But what I cant put off is the fact that anyone who has had any interaction with the police, rarely has anything good to say about it! I really don't know anybody, who wasn't made to offer a little gift during the police check procedure while getting the passport. And have you ever tried to get a traffic hawaldar to give you a challan? It is easier to make a politician keep his promise!

Has your house ever been robbed? How many times have you heard after the robbery that it is no use to get the police? Furthermore, how many times have you been told that the police know that you were going to be robbed and that they will receive their cut in the loot? This is just hearsay, but I am not writing this for showing that the police are corrupt, but to show the perception that the public have of the police. Do we believe that the police force is no longer a force that protects and preserves, but just an interface between the public and the more uncertain elements of the public?

If we consider the movies that are being made at a certain time to be the mirror of the social mood of that time, then the police have really lost some serious stock with the people. During the 70's, the movies usually showed the police as the good guys, or at least, with the good guys. There was an odd double agent kind of police officer here and there, but usually the police officer was an educated, intelligent and a principled person. The trend slowly started to die down during the 80's, and during the 90's, the theme was a good police officer here and there, but that's about it. In this decade, however, except for the movies eulogizing Mumbai police, the police officer is almost always corrupt and completely uninterested in his police duties!

So, over the years, the police have grown ineffective and corrupt, according to the Hindi film industry. But, if they are ineffective, are they solely to blame for it? Has not the Indian society itself embraced corruption over the last few decades? Has not the bureaucracy failed to provide effective solutions for the problems of the public? So, if every arm of the government is corrupt, why single out the police force? Because, unfortunately for the police, of all the arms of the government, they are the most visible! And more unfortunately, the results of their work are even more visible!

So, what can be done to improve the efficiency of the police force? What can be done is....

Reply to Bhagwaan Bharose Internet

2007-07-02T18:29:00.000+05:30

Well, Rashmi's problem (see below) got me thinking. I usually pay no attention to service provider's mismanagement. I consider it to be their solemn right to be completely immune to the problems of their customers. You see, the problem is exactly that you are already a customer! So it means that you have already paid the money. Which in turn means that you are now the biggest idiot in the world for them! I mean, once you have already paid the money, why should they bother! The marketing people promised something, the validity of which ended the moment you signed up the check! The customer service people couldn't care less! Their pay check doesn't depend on you! And then, who else remains? You could always try to send a letter to the CEOs and MDs, if you can find out how to!

So, believing that it is a problem that can't be solved, I just keep paying my bills and keep hoping to the high skies that the damn thing (Internet/cable TV (Don't even get me started on the cable TV people in Pune. They have brought daylight robbery to a fine art!)/mobile phone) works properly for another month! You know, that's what even Lord Krishna suggested. He knew what kind of buffoons(read customers) would inherit this country, way back in 5521 BC! So he suggested what he thought would be the best solution. "Karmanye vaadhikaaraste, maa faleshu kadachana". It is your duty to keep paying money, so keep doing it! And it is the duty of the people who you pay money to, to let you suffer! Only after passing through the fires of suffering, will the gold in your mind be purified! Of course, most of the gold comes out of my nose! But then, it is quite pure!

However, this is a solution that might not appeal to everybody! Not everyone has the will power to suffer all that the great Lord has set out for one! Most people want to do everything the easy way. They don't realize that all this suffering is a direct ticket to heaven!

So, there is a different solution! A costlier one, but a solution that lessens your suffering by half! The solution is simple. Get yourself duped twice. i.e. Get two mobile connections, two Internet connections and two of anything that's troubling you! You would find out in due time, that exactly one of each works for exactly one month and it takes exactly one month for getting the other one to start working. Let's see it in a little detail. You take two net connections, from X and Y. Keep exactly a month's distance between the two check paying dates. Let's say you paid X or the first of January, then pay Y on the first of February. And then forget that you paid anything. Automatically, your connection from X will go active on the first of February and that from Y will go active from first of March! On the first of March, you will have both active connections. You will worry whether you are an idiot, paying two people for the service that you are using only once! Firstly, you are an idiot. There, that's out of the way! Then next, no matter how idiotic you feel, never call to disconnect any of the connections! Because, on the second of March, automatically, your connection form X will die. Don't worry. Call the customer service of X and forget about it. Exactly, 30 days on, X will go active again and Y will go inactive! And so on and so forth! So, you see, you have no mental torture or suffering anymore! Of course, because you are not suffering out the entire amount of suffering that God has kept out for you, you will suffer in hell! But that's not your current problem, is it?

I can already see incompetent bombastic nincompoops jumping up and down with glee and pointing out what they see as the most obvious flaw with my idea. What if both go down at the same time? Well, if you really are as unlucky as that, then just jump down a well! Your place in heaven is guaranteed! You have suffered too much and are now just a destinationless ticketless traveller in the journey of life. So, jump off it! And if you still want to live and suffer, do go on! The more you suffer here, the better your chances are of actually bagging an Apsara as a partner during your stay in heaven! So, all in all, start paying money to as many service providers as soon as possible! The more you pay, the more in heaven is your stay! That's what I call a win-win situation!

Bhagwaan Bharose Internet

2007-07-02T17:31:00.000+05:30

Will someone tell me just exactly what penance I must do, to have a working internet connection at home? There HAS to be some Yagna that I could do, some God that I could invoke... Because bhagwaan bharose is how Sify's internet connections here in Pune seem to work. Agar bhagwaan bhi bharosa nahin de paya...!

So this is how my love-hate (mostly hate) story with Sify goes. I call up a sify sales rep for an internet connection. He comes running the day I call him, explains the plans to me and takes away a cheque for a 1000 rupees as installation charges. "Ma'm, our engineers will be here to install the wires tomorrow".

15 days later, no one has surfaced. I have, in the mean time, made hundreds of calls to scores of people, and have been assured a thousand times that the engineers are on their way to my house "just now". I have also wasted the best hours of my weekend waiting at home, for these people to grace my lowly abode with their presence, and my computer with their connection. The situation is somewhat akin to walking upto my (un)friendly corner sabziwala, paying for 2 kgs of potatoes and him telling me to bugger off! Only, there I've donated a measley 20 Rs. to the USRF*. So despite my lack of charitability, I can handle it. But when I'm told very politely that they really can't do much, I'm just going to have to wait it out till they find it within themselves to install my internet, I have a slight problem. No, not a slight problem. I have a considerable problem. A BIG problem. One that doesn't let me take Sify's outrageous paisa-dabaoing in my stride.

But somewhere, in some corner of heaven, some angel looks at me, and finally I have an internet connection installed on my PC. Its hard earned, and very sweet! I'm filled with joy , life becomes a cheerful song, and all that.

But my happiness is shortlived. Some dour-faced imp scowls in my general direction, and the connection conks off. And then begins the never ending saga of lost connections, of being unable to connect to the Sify Gateway, and of numerous fruitless phonecalls to their call center. A saga that continues till today. The latest outrage is currently under progress, and I have not been able to connect to the internet for the past 10 days. Is it any wonder that I'm not exactly a fan of Sify?

Oh, and here's an interesting riddle that I haven't yet been able to solve. When one calls sify, one is greeted with a "Welcome to Sify! Please press * to continue". Can someone help me understand why this completely superflous step has been added right at the begining? Why would I call in the first place, if I didn't want to 'continue'?? Surely, they don't believe I'm very fond of the sexy robotic voice that welcomes me and that I keep calling to hear it, do they?

Soumi has very helpfully given solutions to what he percieves as problems, in his earlier rants (look below). And creative solutions, thought out of the box, at that. Alas, I'm no where in his league when it comes to problem solving, and no solution seems to present itself to me. I think a yagna it must be... I'm ready to fast for solah-somwaars, if need be. Maybe I should find a punditji. Hmmmmm... that's a good idea. Maybe he'll look at my palm and tell me its not in my destiny to have a hassle-free internet connection, and I'll finally stop going bonkers and accept my fate with serenity and some dignity. Hmmm... worth a try... I'm Off!

________________
* Unfriendly Sabziwala Relief Fund, for the uninitiated. There are many such charities in existence in Pune today - the RARF (Rude Autowala RF), the IERF (Irritating Eunuchs RF), the UCYCRRF (Unnecessary Cleaners of Your Car on the Road RF), the MPRF (Manipulative Puncturewala RF)... Just look around and you'll discover them.. but we're losing focus here. Please go back to my rant.

Software/IT worker's unions

2007-06-29T08:15:00.000+05:30

Hmmm.. This is a little crikey, isn't it? I remember signing something in my old company saying that I will not take part in any kind of union activities. I don't remember whether I signed something similar for my new company. I must have, I think! I would love to know, though, what can any company do if it's employees suddenly decide to form an union. I have a feeling they can't do diddlysquat! They get people to sign these things, just as a preventive measure. I don't think anyone can stop anyone from doing anything in India, whatever one may or equally, may not have signed.

Anyway, that is not the kind of union I have in mind. No fights against the management for me, thank you! I do that well enough even without a union! I can't even begin to imagine what the poor managers would do, if we actually did get that kind of an union! Most of them would jump in a well, I suppose!

What I have in mind, is an union of software workers against the world. Why, you say? Have you ever felt that you are been taken for a ride, just because you are a "software guy"? I mean, everyone, right from a measly rick driver to a humongous nationalised bank, think you must be milked for all the money you have got, just because!!! And do you know why? Because they know that we can't do anything against them! Most software workers are usually alone, away from their homes, and sometimes not even speaking the same language as the state! They ave no one to fight for them. They don't have any political strength or connections. Come on, even the politicians take us for a ride, incidentally, because most of us don't even get to vote! So we don't count! The only value that we add to the society is that of a endless source of money!

So, I ask myself, how to cure this particular bit of anomaly. I think, what is our problem? We our alone. We are Mary's lambs without Mary! So we get ourselves a Mary! And how? We form a union! Everyone, right from the CEOs and MDs till the lowliest trainee temp, will belong to this union. (If any expert in English grammar is pointing out or has pointed out that I suddenly moved from a software worker to I and we, he or she can bugger off! It's my blog and my prerogative!).It will give us the strength to fight for the injustice and idiocy we have to go through. Just imagine, a cloth shop owner sells a software worker something at a costlier price. He or she ( for this particular example, most likely she) logs in to a website and complains about it. Some four-five hundred members of the union are given a call. In major software cities, one can call these number of people every hour and still have lots left over for the next such incident. Well, these guys spend the next Saturday, parading in front of the shop, hanging out, chatting and having a very nice time. AND TELLING EVERYONE WHAT A BLOODY THIEF THE SHOP OWNER IS!!! I don't think the shop owner will ever sell anything overpriced again. I don't think he will sell anything again!!!

But this is a very lowly kind of problem. What about the real problems! The house rents, the property rates. The things that genuinely cost us our hard earned money! In cities like Bangalore and Pune, the only reason rents and rates are so high is because the software workers pay it! And really speaking the software people can't do anything. They know that if they don't pay the rent, someone else will. Its a owner's market! We use the union and make it a customer's market! The union will decide that the rent for a particular area, will be X. And no member of the union will pay a teensy weensy paisa more! Then, suddenly, the rent comes down! So does the property rate! It has to, because if the max rate that a seller is being offered is X, then he can do nothing else but sell it at X.

Of course, it will work only if all the software people work together on it! If some idiot, mostly a project manager, decides to buy a house at the rate at which the seller is offering, the system breaks! But, I guess most people will take active participation in the union, because it will save them money and trouble. And that, in turn, will be the union's greatest strength!

Just think of the advantages! The members will not only have the power to save themselves from the lowly elements of the society (which includes most of the society), they will have some political standing. Thay can force the local government's hands. They can have legal hope! But most of all, they will have someone to back them up, if they get in any trouble! They will not be alone. They will have a big brother to help them out. But then, nobody really cares for you, till you have a big brother, a bhai!

PS: If anyone is questioning the fact that I did not use the term software engineer, but a software worker, I would like to explain that what we do, is hardly engineering! I just didn't have the heart to call us software coolies, which is what we exactly are, so I just used a euphemism. I think we are even worse off than coolies! At least, they get to form unions!

Income tax!

2007-06-24T22:52:00.001+05:30

Like most of the earning members of the society, the biggest problem with that I have with life is income tax. I mean, why are we supposed to pay it? Well, its a tax you pay for doing well in life! And some other idiot benefits with it, precisely because he is an idiot! If the government taxes you, its OK, but if some gangster does it, its extortion!Well, income tax is extortion at its legal best!

Someone would say that it is needed as the money will be put in infrastructure and development of the nation and God knows what! But what if I don't see any growth? What if the road leading to my house still has just as many pot holes? What if the city I live in is just as crappy as it was last year? What are the other yardsticks of measurement? If someone in the government comes to me and says that, boss, your money was used to make a road in Bihar, or Arunachal or someplace I don't really care about! If you want to make roads in Bihar, get the bloody money from the people in Bihar! I am paying some money here and I expect some service! And what do I get? Some brand new potholes!

Someone would then say its a tax for living in the country. Well, with the traffic and crowds and lawlessness and corruption and such like, I sometimes feel that living in this country is taxing enough. We don't deserve any more taxes! Anyway, jokes apart, only 10-15 % of the populace pay income tax. The others pay other more invisible taxes. I am OK with that. I can do that. Till I don't see it, I don't mind it. And as everyone pays it, it has a democratic touch to it. But Income tax, just explain how that's democratic!

I sometimes have this fantastic idea of what could be done to make it more democratic. I know it cant be implemented, but still... So, here it is. I paid some income tax last year. Along with the taxes I paid, I also gave the government a list of 3 things that I wanted to be done with my money. You know, for example, clearing up potholes in my area, curing polio and ending child labor. Then I wait one year. After one year, I check that out of the list, what has been done, and how well. I mean, its just unfair to ask the government to end child labor in an year, but if its at least made an effort and freed, let's say, about ten children. That should be fine! I then know that my money has really made an impact! However, say, that it is the only task to have been completed. I mention this information in my current year's tax forms and send a scathing letter to the FM, demanding an explanation of their incompetency and just pay 1/3rd of the taxes that I have to this year! That would be some accountability, now, wouldn't it! And it is democratic!

But unfortunately, it cannot be done, because most of the country's citizens would just take advantage of the system. Because the only honest people in this country are those really unfortunate people like us, who just do not get any opportunity to be dishonest! But that would be another rant.... sometime later!